I need to do some theraputic rambling.
I stayed home today. Basically because I got up late. I was about to rush to get ready tho when I lost that incentive because I realized where I was going lol. Then I got a headache in like ... 2 seconds flat at the thought and said nahhhhh ... i'm staying home lol.
In keeping with that thought, lemme get work off my chest and then you won't hear another thing about it from me in this entire post lol.
WORK: I hate it. I mean, I love the work itself. I just hate how it makes me feel. I am so tired of the drama and peoples' attitudes that I don't even want to go there anymore.
In my department, I work with several young people and 2 of these people in particular grate my last nerve. They're the "drama queens" and we're supposed to hang onto every whine, moan, excuse and complaint that they have so eventually, we can do their jobs for them because "we feel so sorry for their plight". *pfftttt!*
Plight my ass I tell you lol. These are the 2 LAZIEST young women I have ever seen!
The one girl who has been there the longest has had it out for me since day one. She likes to invent things that I do (or don't do) to tell the bosses to try to get me into trouble. This never works but only suceeds in making me more bitter as time goes on. Plus, she's one of those people who likes to be on a power trip even tho she has none and I think that's why she dislikes me ... because I will remind her of that every chance I get *giggling*.
Then the other one ... UGH! Now this one really frustrates me! She calls in constantly which leaves the rest of us in a lerch (we're very short handed right now) and the excuses she gives are mind-blowing. And there's always something with her. She can't be at work 30 minutes when all of a sudden she is sicker than a dog, has a migrain, or her leg hurts and she can barely walk. She's freaking 20 years old and she has more aches and pains than my grandma had at 90!
Her mother calls on my phone for her at least 4 times a shift and if I can't go get her at that moment, like if i'm with a customer, she gets bossy and rude with me.
Plus she talks and talks, and talks about stuff that I don't wanna hear about. She'll even follow me around babbling till I wanna explode and then ... when I finally can't listen to her anymore, i'll say something like "Uh, can you please go do this or that so we can mark it off the list?" and suddenly, i'm the bad guy! I even say it with a big old smile on my face but yet ... i'm in the wrong. Then she'll storm off, usually teary eyed and red faced to tell the supervisor that I was rude to her or that i'm being a bitch.
*shaking head* ... can't win I tell you.
Anyhow, these 2 went to the supervisors a couple weeks ago and complained about me and my attitude towards them. I was then told by the supervisors that I need to praise their work (if they ever do any that is) and listen to their woes with a little more compassion.
My answer to the supervisors? Here is is verbatim: "It is NOT my job to praise anyone around here, that is YOUR job as supervisors. Pay me 30 an hour for my psych skills and i'll hang my shingle in the womens clothing/boots/housewares department. I'm here to make a living and if they don't want to do the same, then they can go elsewhere for all I care. Plus, there are plenty of others around here that like bulls**t stories and personal drama, and soap operas so they can dump on them".
Did this get me anywhere? No. But it felt good at the time lol. I do need a different job tho ...
LIFE: I'm bored with it lol. I DO nothing fun! I have no personal friends to pal around with other than my roommate (who doesn't like most girly adventures). Life is work, and home. So far this sucks lol.
LOVE: I need some lol. I miss being loved and being in love. I miss looking into someones eyes ... having that "happy, tingly" feeling or the anticipation of seeing someone. *heavy sigh ... looks in the mirror* ... I don't think i'm unattractive ... so where are the dates? Maybe it's me. Maybe i'm too picky, but I can NOT handle anyone that says "git-r-done" lol.
MY KIDS: Where the hec are you all!!!!!!!????? Does no one call their mother anymore? Are your lives to busy to pick up a phone? Peopleeeeeee! I gave BIRTH to you remember? *waving frantically ... OVER HEREEEE!*
Ok, i'm going off now so I better stop here lol. Think i'll go buy some new shoes to where no place inparticular. Later and thanks for listening :)
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Still among the living
Well, it's been a tough year but i've made it thru with ALOT of changes. I'm still alive and kicking however and soon i'll be rattling on like there's no tomorrow lol. Stay tuned for the latest :) Debi aka Gigi
Monday, March 13, 2006
Confucius Say ...
... Working computer alot like erect penis: It stay up as long as you don't fuck with it ...
Ok, I screwed up. Thursday after work, I had this grand idea that I could fix a longstanding problem on my computer so ... Convinced I knew what I was doing, I installed a backup of my registry to replace a file that I accidentally deleted several months ago. The problem? Well, it was a backup from 2003. So, not only did all my settings revert back to that time, so did my ISP connection! UGH! As of 7pm Thursday night, I could not get on the internet and this was Rogue night damnit! Panicking, I called my cable company to ask for help and not one person there knew what to do! So, after searching my computer for several days, I finally found another backup from 8 months ago ... Hallelujah!
*raising my hand in oath* ... I Gigi, solemnly swear to never ...
Confucious say ... Woman who sit on pity pot ok, just needs to flush now and again ...
With that said, I am pleased to say I have come to terms with John Deere!
After 2 more days of being bombarded with 16 different new tshirt designs, 3 new toys to find places for and learning that there is a difference between the "980 combine" and the model "H" tractor, I have come to the conclusion that john Deere is here to stay and I just need to learn to love the color green lol.
Confucius Say ... Man who kills two birds with one stone often ends with hate mail from the humane society ...
Multitasking ... the word for today. It's my day off but I have tons of things to get done! As we speak, I am typing this, folding laundry, I have water boiling for tea, bathtub cleaner soaking on the shower walls, a meatloaf in the oven, jotting notes for my resume, and on the phone with my supervisor from work lol. Ok, searching for valium now ...
Well hells bells, I need to get some chores completed so I better conclude this for now. Just wanted to spill my guts before the next mishap has me offline for days again lol. *crossing fingers and remembering my oath*
Oh yea, TC .... *smile* ... you're the bomb sweetie and thanks :)
Later!
Ok, I screwed up. Thursday after work, I had this grand idea that I could fix a longstanding problem on my computer so ... Convinced I knew what I was doing, I installed a backup of my registry to replace a file that I accidentally deleted several months ago. The problem? Well, it was a backup from 2003. So, not only did all my settings revert back to that time, so did my ISP connection! UGH! As of 7pm Thursday night, I could not get on the internet and this was Rogue night damnit! Panicking, I called my cable company to ask for help and not one person there knew what to do! So, after searching my computer for several days, I finally found another backup from 8 months ago ... Hallelujah!
*raising my hand in oath* ... I Gigi, solemnly swear to never ...
Confucious say ... Woman who sit on pity pot ok, just needs to flush now and again ...
With that said, I am pleased to say I have come to terms with John Deere!
After 2 more days of being bombarded with 16 different new tshirt designs, 3 new toys to find places for and learning that there is a difference between the "980 combine" and the model "H" tractor, I have come to the conclusion that john Deere is here to stay and I just need to learn to love the color green lol.
Confucius Say ... Man who kills two birds with one stone often ends with hate mail from the humane society ...
Multitasking ... the word for today. It's my day off but I have tons of things to get done! As we speak, I am typing this, folding laundry, I have water boiling for tea, bathtub cleaner soaking on the shower walls, a meatloaf in the oven, jotting notes for my resume, and on the phone with my supervisor from work lol. Ok, searching for valium now ...
Well hells bells, I need to get some chores completed so I better conclude this for now. Just wanted to spill my guts before the next mishap has me offline for days again lol. *crossing fingers and remembering my oath*
Oh yea, TC .... *smile* ... you're the bomb sweetie and thanks :)
Later!
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
John Deere can kiss my ass!
Ok, I need to rant today. For anyone who wants to bypass this soon to be extreme display of tantrumitis, you can just go straight to my HNT pic and simply ignore the ravings of a mad woman :)
Anyhow, I'll give ya a little background into the John Deere thang:
Before I moved here to Missouri, I had rarely heard of John Deere. Where I come from, the closest thing to seeing anything John Deere was maybe on a special edition Zippo lighter at the smoke shop lol.
L.A. and Las Vegas have very little need for tractors so maybe that's why. *Shrugging shoulders*.
So, I get here ... Farm land USA and John Deere is everywhere!
Now, at my work, a one stop retail store where you can get everything under the sun, John Deere is a staple.
BUT ... Not only in the farming equipment department or the power too department ... But everywhere in the damn store.
There's tons of the stuff in housewares; trash cans, umbrellas, pictures, rugs, kitchen ware, furniture, and a shit load of other goofy crap. In fact, if you can name it, we have John Deer on the damn thing. In the clothing department there's shirts, hats, jackets, sweatshirts and OMG, some of the cheesy sayings make you wanna fall down and just die: "Save a horse, ride a tractor" ... UGH. Then there's the toy department ... That's where this rant originates ...
We have about 90 billion (ok, that's an exaggeration) John Deere toys and leading the menagerie in quantity are those die cast replicas of tractors and farm equipment.
Now my supervisor ... A 20 year old delightful female college student who ... I grant you is very mature and knowledgeable for her age and a stickler for organization, asked me 2 weeks ago to organize ALL of the John Deer line of toys, separating them by style, toddler toys apart from the youth toys, and size ... And she wanted everyone of them m***erF***ing die cast toys hung on a peg wall in rows of 5.
Sounds easy enough right? In fact, it kinda sounds fun and a good way to make the day go by faster. But here's the catch:
There are twice as many toys as there is shelf space ... The peg wall which is about 3'x10' has to house twice as many die cast models as it's surface area and each hook has to be of the same length, and NONE of them can be displayed on the floor!
AAARRRGGGHHHHHH! Impossible! I have been battling this dilemma for 2 weeks now and my head strong superior insists that it has to work!
Finally, after pondering (ok, stalling) the situation for a while now, I was given the deed in writing this morning:
Gigi ...
1. Finish reworking The John Deer toys making sure that each item is in it's own row and not mixed with another style ...
2. Put all toddler John Deere in it's own spot ...
3. Organize the peg wall John Deere die cast items:
4. Replace ALL hooks with hooks of the same size ...
5. Print bin labels so customers will know the prices ...
6. Make sure nothing is left resting on the floor below the last shelf.
Please finish this TODAY.
Thanks! (followed by a cheery ink smudged happy face).
It is written, so let it be done ... *falls on floor in defeat*.
So, I tackle the chore and i'll be a son-of-a-biscuit-eater ... I managed to do the damn toys!
Now the die cast was a different story ...
At least with the toys I was able to hide items behind other stuff (she'll never notice ... I hope) ... But those damn mini tractor replicas ... Well there's no place to stuff any of them when they have to be on a freaking wall!
After all was said and done, I had 7 items yet to have a home on that damn wall. So, I had to think ... And in pure McGyver fashion, I rig a chain from the top of the wall to the floor, and hook the extras on it along side the others.
Proud of myself, I go to her looking for kudos for my amazing accomplishment and what does she say?
"Ummm ... Well ... That kinda looks tacky. Can you think of something else?"
*jumping up and down screaming, kicking the Breyer horses and trashing coloring books in my head* ... "sureeeeeeeeee ... *fake smile*, no problem!" I tell her.
Well that's where it lies for now. Tomorrow I have to come up with a solution grrrrr! But that's another day so I was just happy to be rid of the problem for the time being.
Then ...
On the way home, my co-worker who gives me a ride, tells me that I have MORE john Deere that came in on freight today to put away in housewares tomorrow!
Does the madness never end I ask you!!!!!?????
Friday, March 03, 2006
*Blink*Blink* what I do now?
I recieved a comment in my previous post "Holy Guacamole" that has me going "say what?". Here it is as follows:
gmc said...
dear gigi,
it was funny to read your autoportait as goobergirl but are your sure that such a wonderful girl like you need to be a warrior only interested by wars for nothing existing in this world (truth, justice and the american way); is it not for thoses reasons (instead of basically controlling oil resources) that everyday american soldiers are dying in iraq?
truth and justice are not parts of the american way; the american way is "in greed we trust"
snowing kisses from france!
Ok, so gmc, if you come back to read my blog again, listen carefully ...
First off, I thank you very kindly for visiting my blog and greetings to France :)
Now, that whole schpeal (did I spell that right cuz that's the first time i've ever wrote that word lol) up thar *pointing up to my profile* is the opening dialog from the old Superman Tv show back in the 1950's.
"Faster than a speeding bullet! More powerful that a locomotive! Able to leap tall buildings at a single bound!"
"Look! Up in the sky!"
"It's a bird!"
"It's a plane!"
"It's - SUPERMAN!" "Yes, it's Superman - strange visitor from another planet who came to Earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men. Superman! Who can change the course of mighty rivers, bend steel in his bare hands, and who, disguised as Clark Kent, mild-mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper, fights a never-ending battle for Truth, Justice, and the American Way!"
So don't get your panties in a bunch ... *rolling eyes*. Superman was not about war, nor was that dialog suggesting such.
*takes a deep breath*
... he came here as a baby from the planet Krypton and when he grew up he decided to use his superhuman powers for the benefit of humanity and was ALL about helping people to overcome bad situations and saving the world from disaster and harm!
*BIG inhale, gasping for air*.
*Sits up straight and puts on a smile*
So see? *cheezy grin, soft voice* ... I was not making light of all those who have died in the war in Iraq ... so calm down little buckaroo and y'all come back and see me sometime :)
Holy Guacamole!
Jason is missing! day 5 now and he's nowhere to be found! I surely don't mind his absence, but still, I hope that he's not somewhere out in the woods with his BVD's down around his ankles hearing the song from Deliverance lol ... *shrugging shoulders* ... at least the bootroom isn't a mess and I can leave my gas mask at home ... *whistling dueling banjos* ...
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Hello from the missing :)
Hey everyone! I know, I know ... i've been MIA for quite a while now, but things are looking up finally! I managed to re-arrange my schedule to have a day off TODAY to get some much needed rest (which I did ... a whole 8 hours of sleep!) ... and now, i'm here to torment y'all once again lol.
It's a beautiful day here, 74 degrees and sunny as all get for a change, yay!
Spring is on it's way!
The past week or 2 have been a little hectic tho, with work, getting new pics taken for the rouge festival and to make up for all the HNT's that i've missed lol ... and THEN, trying to fit sleep in there at the same time was kinda hard to manage but hey, that's life right? It's been nothing compared to the schedule Lecram has to endure so I better quit complaining huh! lol.
Anyhow, work is the same. I love it but dealing with some of my co-workers is still a challange. They tried to put Jason (the Vulcan rock star) in the warehouse, far far away from us, but that didn't work out, UGH. So we have him back in clothing grrrr ...
He has taken up "passing gas" as his new hobby so i've been trying to keep my distance, but I heard that a few customers were complaining that he was smoking them out whilst waiting on them so this is gonna become a BIG problem here really soon! I actually had to yell at him to get out of the boot room the other day cuz he decided to "bless the air" while I was stuck in there knee deep in boot boxes!
Then Jaimee, the ditsy jabberjaws with a trillion excuses to go home has announced she's getting married.
The guy is only 4 months from gaining his freedom from PRISON thank you *shaking head* and so far, she has paid for everything in preparation ... ie the dress, rings and invitations with her income tax money.
So, this is all I hear about all day long (lucky me).
I have also been blessed with being the ONLY one invited to the actual wedding other than his and her parents and siblings. Don't ask me why cuz I have no clue how I got this honor since i'm so evil to her at work lol. But nevertheless, I has me an invite and 3 weeks from now I will be attending the wedding of the most annoying person in my life right now lol. *wringing hands with an evil grin* ... I can't wait to throw some freaking rice ... *giggling* ...
My cat Ozzy's hair is growing in on her back finally since she stopped chewing on herself. Turns out that she was "upset" because I had banished her from the bedroom and my lap (cat hair). *rolling eyes* ... Tempermental felines! She has now taken up snoring and making disgusting noises while bathing ...
Other great happenings include:
1. Finally mailing my sons Xmas present to him
2. Learing how to make home made icing and chicken livers
3. Downloading the new Firefox and not being able to get into Yahoo messenger now OR half the pages on the web
4. Buying my first pair of cowboy boots
5. Bumping into my daughter while shopping and her not recognizing me lol
6. Hearing the "dogs butt" story from my friend WHICH ... now that i've mentioned it, I will elaborate on ...
My friend Barb who's pregnant with her 5th child is extremely sick. She is having the worst pregnancy i've ever heard of and really, I feel so sorry for her. BUT ... what she told me that happened the other day had me cracking up!
She has been unable to get out of her bed for the past several weeks cuz all she does is throw up. She is the one who has the 2 dogs I told you about a while back that we babysat for remember?
Well anyway, seems she was asleep and awoke to movement that was causing her to get sick in her waterbed. Now here is how she tells it: When she opened her eyes, she says she saw one of her HUGE dog's anus in mid-open and slowly but surely widening! (she had hand gestures to go along with this btw). Suprisingly enough, she quickly rolled out of the way to watch Kira drop a hefty present onto her pillow right where her forehead would have been! Well, needless to say that started a whole new barf session for poor Barb, but the image of that kept me in stitches even till now lol. The dog musta been a tad jealous or maybe feeling ignored but still, it's funny lol.
Ok, I better get out and enjoy this beautiful day before it gets dark, so you all have a great week and i'll talk atcha again soon :) Later, Gigi
EDIT: Btw, I don't know if anyones noticed or not, but I posted some games (link to the left) for if you get bored lol. Also, there's a new discussion in the forum :)
It's a beautiful day here, 74 degrees and sunny as all get for a change, yay!
Spring is on it's way!
The past week or 2 have been a little hectic tho, with work, getting new pics taken for the rouge festival and to make up for all the HNT's that i've missed lol ... and THEN, trying to fit sleep in there at the same time was kinda hard to manage but hey, that's life right? It's been nothing compared to the schedule Lecram has to endure so I better quit complaining huh! lol.
Anyhow, work is the same. I love it but dealing with some of my co-workers is still a challange. They tried to put Jason (the Vulcan rock star) in the warehouse, far far away from us, but that didn't work out, UGH. So we have him back in clothing grrrr ...
He has taken up "passing gas" as his new hobby so i've been trying to keep my distance, but I heard that a few customers were complaining that he was smoking them out whilst waiting on them so this is gonna become a BIG problem here really soon! I actually had to yell at him to get out of the boot room the other day cuz he decided to "bless the air" while I was stuck in there knee deep in boot boxes!
Then Jaimee, the ditsy jabberjaws with a trillion excuses to go home has announced she's getting married.
The guy is only 4 months from gaining his freedom from PRISON thank you *shaking head* and so far, she has paid for everything in preparation ... ie the dress, rings and invitations with her income tax money.
So, this is all I hear about all day long (lucky me).
I have also been blessed with being the ONLY one invited to the actual wedding other than his and her parents and siblings. Don't ask me why cuz I have no clue how I got this honor since i'm so evil to her at work lol. But nevertheless, I has me an invite and 3 weeks from now I will be attending the wedding of the most annoying person in my life right now lol. *wringing hands with an evil grin* ... I can't wait to throw some freaking rice ... *giggling* ...
My cat Ozzy's hair is growing in on her back finally since she stopped chewing on herself. Turns out that she was "upset" because I had banished her from the bedroom and my lap (cat hair). *rolling eyes* ... Tempermental felines! She has now taken up snoring and making disgusting noises while bathing ...
Other great happenings include:
1. Finally mailing my sons Xmas present to him
2. Learing how to make home made icing and chicken livers
3. Downloading the new Firefox and not being able to get into Yahoo messenger now OR half the pages on the web
4. Buying my first pair of cowboy boots
5. Bumping into my daughter while shopping and her not recognizing me lol
6. Hearing the "dogs butt" story from my friend WHICH ... now that i've mentioned it, I will elaborate on ...
My friend Barb who's pregnant with her 5th child is extremely sick. She is having the worst pregnancy i've ever heard of and really, I feel so sorry for her. BUT ... what she told me that happened the other day had me cracking up!
She has been unable to get out of her bed for the past several weeks cuz all she does is throw up. She is the one who has the 2 dogs I told you about a while back that we babysat for remember?
Well anyway, seems she was asleep and awoke to movement that was causing her to get sick in her waterbed. Now here is how she tells it: When she opened her eyes, she says she saw one of her HUGE dog's anus in mid-open and slowly but surely widening! (she had hand gestures to go along with this btw). Suprisingly enough, she quickly rolled out of the way to watch Kira drop a hefty present onto her pillow right where her forehead would have been! Well, needless to say that started a whole new barf session for poor Barb, but the image of that kept me in stitches even till now lol. The dog musta been a tad jealous or maybe feeling ignored but still, it's funny lol.
Ok, I better get out and enjoy this beautiful day before it gets dark, so you all have a great week and i'll talk atcha again soon :) Later, Gigi
EDIT: Btw, I don't know if anyones noticed or not, but I posted some games (link to the left) for if you get bored lol. Also, there's a new discussion in the forum :)
Friday, February 03, 2006
OMG I had a real life brain cloud!
WORK:
Work has been crazy with people calling in sick or going on vacation. It hasn't been massively busy, but when it's only you there, it tends to get hectic at times.
Even when we have the help, it's not like they're really useful lol. First case in point: Jason.
Jason is getting worse every day!
We're supposed to have at least one person on each side of the clothing dept. at all times. Normally, if the planets are all in order, we have 2 on each side, but like I said before, help has been scarce lately.
Ok so Jason has been planted since day one mostly in the mens/tack dept. We like him there as opposed to the womens dept because really ... the site of him fondling ladies's clothing is rather nauseating and conjures up thoughts that not even the sickest mind wants to ponder lol.
Now when it comes to helping a man find a pair of Wrangler jeans, he's ok. Not too much of a problem there really other than him bursting out in song when a customer is trying to talk to him lol.
But do NOT let a customer come in and need help getting say ... nails for horse shoeing, or want to buy a saddle ... that's where the problem comes in! I heard him 2 days ago, when asked about a harness: "Uh ... I don't know anything about horse harnesses, but you can probaly find something you can use in the dog/cat pet care dept ... that's if it's not a really big horse that is" LOL.
*Slapping forehead*
What the hell is this boy thinking?
He has also taken to wandering off into the womens dept. without any given notice.
It's like there's this huge magnet that's drawing him my way! One moment, he'll be in mens ... wandering around aimlessly like the zombies in The Night Of The Living Dead ... and then it gets crazy! All of a sudden you can see his body tilting as tho it's being pulled, you can actually see this! ... and he starts to "float" towards my area!
Suddenly he'll alight near the boot room with this wierd look on his face like "how the hell did I get here?" lol.
I asked him the other day too, when I came back from getting a pricing gun and noticed customers in mens, but no salesperson ... I said "Jason? whatcha doing over here? you have customers over thata way" ... he said: "Ummmm, I dunno ... I think I need a key or something". lol
A key for what?
Ohhh ... i'm telling you, the boy has done lost his mind.
He also has this bad habit of asking me for a cigarette every time he goes on break. Finally one day, I told him "Jason, you get a paycheck as well as I do ... can't you buy your own?". He had no answer and I wasn't gonna press for one since it may have caused a brain overload ... but I did finally tell him "Ok, one more smoke Jason, but that's it, do not ask me for 1 more cigarette ever again, lol.
Well, 2 days passed and he didn't. But on the third day, on his way to break he asked "Miss Gigi, can I get 6 cigarettes from you?". I said "Jason, what did I ask you the other day about getting smokes from me?". He said: "Oh, oh yeah! But you said I couldn't ask for ONE cigarette, so i'm asking for 6 instead!".
*Jumping up and down in frustration*
Labotomy is the first thing that comes to mind ...
Then there's Jaimee.
Jaimee is a girl I worked with when I was "Pizza girl" .. remember that? Well her hours had been cut too at that store, so I suggested that she apply at my work. She did and landed a position in my dept. but i'm thinking now, that this wasn't such a good idea after all lol.
Jaimee has turned into the most annoying person I have ever worked with barring Jason only because she is in MY dept!
She follows me everywhere ... like a shadow, talking non-stop about her personal life.
Now I don't even like to casually chit-chat with people when i'm working, let alone have full blown conversations about life, yet Jaimee has this need to ramble lol.
She also is the epitomy of the "dumb blond" theory.
She uses words like "uh ... and huh?" a lot ... usually with a clueless look on her face. Then, when you give her an answer to her question, she'll get this look on her face like the cheshire cat in Alice in Wonderland lol.
That leads me to believe she kinda knows what she's doing and is playing me lol.
She'll also admit that she's lazy and is not going to do any work one any given day and that really chaps my hide at times! lol.
She'll make any excuse to leave the floor and go wandering constantly, and when I suggest that instead of stopping what she's working on, to just use her phone instead of walking all the way back to the office or to ask a simple question of the people at the service desk, she'll say: "Yea, I know, but I'd rather just go walk and do it Gigi ... ". Sure she would cuz then I usually have to finish what she started! lol.
Ohhh ... she's a tricky one and I swear, one could fill a book with the excuses she makes up for not doing things lol.
Typical Jaimee excuses are:
1. "I have such bad cramps!" ... (I swear this girl is on her period 4 time a month lol.)
2. "That'll make my neck hurt later".
3. My hands will get ruined.
4. That takes too long.
5. I did that once 2 days ago i'll get bored with it and never wanna do it again if you make me do it once more too soon".
6. "That list is stupid, i'm gonna make up my own stuff to do".
7. That will take too long and I go home in 4 hours so I haven't the time to start it".
8. My throat is sore".
9. I have a bad hangnail!".
10. I need food for energy and didn't bring a lunch".
She is a real piece of work she is ... lol.
MY CAT OZZY
I have talked about Ozzy before briefly, but i'll give you some better insite this time so you can understand what she's putting me thru.
Ozzy is a female orange Tabby that up until 5 years ago, I thought was a male. Hence, the name Ozzy lol.
She always acted like a male, but when I had her declawed I was enlightened as to what she really is.
Now, when I first met Ozzy, she was a skrawny trailor park vagabond. very affectionate and playful but she had the temper of a lion if she ever encountered dogs or other felines.
So needless to say, she has been the only pet that has resided with me for the past 8 years. Up until now, she's been 31 Lbs of pure terror. Spitful when angered (she'll knock everything off your desk if you cross her) ... pushy to the point of harrassing you in your sleep ... and more finicky than any cat should be allowed to be.
Now, all of a sudden, Ozzy is getting a complex. It may be hormonal, I dunno ... maybe she's going thru menopause or something but nevertheless, she's a wreck!
Her tough, rugged personality has morphed into this needy, always wanting to be cuddled and pet type of mush-pot that is driving me nuts!
She even has started this nervous thing where she's chewing off the hair on her back and belly ... down to the bleeding flesh!
She wants to take bubble baths, lays on the sink in the dark in the bathroom facing her reflection in the mirror, and refuses to sit anywhere but your lap or on your clothing.
And here, I thought I had problems!
I wonder if they make Xanex for cats?
IN A NUTSHELL
On a whole, Gigi-land is always full of suprises and twists and turns to say the least. Tonight i'm going to blow off some steam and get snockered (which I normally never ever do but I need to cut lose a little) when I go to hear a local band here in town.
Tomorrow it's back to work for one day, most likely with a hangover since I have to be up at 5:45 am lol ... omg I just realized it ... this is gonna make work interesting for any customers who happen my way lol.
Sunday is a lazy day but full of emotions that I won't want to deal with but will try to not think about. This weekend the ex-boyfriend turned roommate figure will be away on 2 different over-night dates. Guess i'll just have to keep my mind busy :)
Anyhow, I'll be sure not to blog this weekend so y'all don't have to hear my bellyaching lol.
But for now, Take care everyone and have a great weekend :)
Until next time ...
Work has been crazy with people calling in sick or going on vacation. It hasn't been massively busy, but when it's only you there, it tends to get hectic at times.
Even when we have the help, it's not like they're really useful lol. First case in point: Jason.
Jason is getting worse every day!
We're supposed to have at least one person on each side of the clothing dept. at all times. Normally, if the planets are all in order, we have 2 on each side, but like I said before, help has been scarce lately.
Ok so Jason has been planted since day one mostly in the mens/tack dept. We like him there as opposed to the womens dept because really ... the site of him fondling ladies's clothing is rather nauseating and conjures up thoughts that not even the sickest mind wants to ponder lol.
Now when it comes to helping a man find a pair of Wrangler jeans, he's ok. Not too much of a problem there really other than him bursting out in song when a customer is trying to talk to him lol.
But do NOT let a customer come in and need help getting say ... nails for horse shoeing, or want to buy a saddle ... that's where the problem comes in! I heard him 2 days ago, when asked about a harness: "Uh ... I don't know anything about horse harnesses, but you can probaly find something you can use in the dog/cat pet care dept ... that's if it's not a really big horse that is" LOL.
*Slapping forehead*
What the hell is this boy thinking?
He has also taken to wandering off into the womens dept. without any given notice.
It's like there's this huge magnet that's drawing him my way! One moment, he'll be in mens ... wandering around aimlessly like the zombies in The Night Of The Living Dead ... and then it gets crazy! All of a sudden you can see his body tilting as tho it's being pulled, you can actually see this! ... and he starts to "float" towards my area!
Suddenly he'll alight near the boot room with this wierd look on his face like "how the hell did I get here?" lol.
I asked him the other day too, when I came back from getting a pricing gun and noticed customers in mens, but no salesperson ... I said "Jason? whatcha doing over here? you have customers over thata way" ... he said: "Ummmm, I dunno ... I think I need a key or something". lol
A key for what?
Ohhh ... i'm telling you, the boy has done lost his mind.
He also has this bad habit of asking me for a cigarette every time he goes on break. Finally one day, I told him "Jason, you get a paycheck as well as I do ... can't you buy your own?". He had no answer and I wasn't gonna press for one since it may have caused a brain overload ... but I did finally tell him "Ok, one more smoke Jason, but that's it, do not ask me for 1 more cigarette ever again, lol.
Well, 2 days passed and he didn't. But on the third day, on his way to break he asked "Miss Gigi, can I get 6 cigarettes from you?". I said "Jason, what did I ask you the other day about getting smokes from me?". He said: "Oh, oh yeah! But you said I couldn't ask for ONE cigarette, so i'm asking for 6 instead!".
*Jumping up and down in frustration*
Labotomy is the first thing that comes to mind ...
Then there's Jaimee.
Jaimee is a girl I worked with when I was "Pizza girl" .. remember that? Well her hours had been cut too at that store, so I suggested that she apply at my work. She did and landed a position in my dept. but i'm thinking now, that this wasn't such a good idea after all lol.
Jaimee has turned into the most annoying person I have ever worked with barring Jason only because she is in MY dept!
She follows me everywhere ... like a shadow, talking non-stop about her personal life.
Now I don't even like to casually chit-chat with people when i'm working, let alone have full blown conversations about life, yet Jaimee has this need to ramble lol.
She also is the epitomy of the "dumb blond" theory.
She uses words like "uh ... and huh?" a lot ... usually with a clueless look on her face. Then, when you give her an answer to her question, she'll get this look on her face like the cheshire cat in Alice in Wonderland lol.
That leads me to believe she kinda knows what she's doing and is playing me lol.
She'll also admit that she's lazy and is not going to do any work one any given day and that really chaps my hide at times! lol.
She'll make any excuse to leave the floor and go wandering constantly, and when I suggest that instead of stopping what she's working on, to just use her phone instead of walking all the way back to the office or to ask a simple question of the people at the service desk, she'll say: "Yea, I know, but I'd rather just go walk and do it Gigi ... ". Sure she would cuz then I usually have to finish what she started! lol.
Ohhh ... she's a tricky one and I swear, one could fill a book with the excuses she makes up for not doing things lol.
Typical Jaimee excuses are:
1. "I have such bad cramps!" ... (I swear this girl is on her period 4 time a month lol.)
2. "That'll make my neck hurt later".
3. My hands will get ruined.
4. That takes too long.
5. I did that once 2 days ago i'll get bored with it and never wanna do it again if you make me do it once more too soon".
6. "That list is stupid, i'm gonna make up my own stuff to do".
7. That will take too long and I go home in 4 hours so I haven't the time to start it".
8. My throat is sore".
9. I have a bad hangnail!".
10. I need food for energy and didn't bring a lunch".
She is a real piece of work she is ... lol.
MY CAT OZZY
I have talked about Ozzy before briefly, but i'll give you some better insite this time so you can understand what she's putting me thru.
Ozzy is a female orange Tabby that up until 5 years ago, I thought was a male. Hence, the name Ozzy lol.
She always acted like a male, but when I had her declawed I was enlightened as to what she really is.
Now, when I first met Ozzy, she was a skrawny trailor park vagabond. very affectionate and playful but she had the temper of a lion if she ever encountered dogs or other felines.
So needless to say, she has been the only pet that has resided with me for the past 8 years. Up until now, she's been 31 Lbs of pure terror. Spitful when angered (she'll knock everything off your desk if you cross her) ... pushy to the point of harrassing you in your sleep ... and more finicky than any cat should be allowed to be.
Now, all of a sudden, Ozzy is getting a complex. It may be hormonal, I dunno ... maybe she's going thru menopause or something but nevertheless, she's a wreck!
Her tough, rugged personality has morphed into this needy, always wanting to be cuddled and pet type of mush-pot that is driving me nuts!
She even has started this nervous thing where she's chewing off the hair on her back and belly ... down to the bleeding flesh!
She wants to take bubble baths, lays on the sink in the dark in the bathroom facing her reflection in the mirror, and refuses to sit anywhere but your lap or on your clothing.
And here, I thought I had problems!
I wonder if they make Xanex for cats?
IN A NUTSHELL
On a whole, Gigi-land is always full of suprises and twists and turns to say the least. Tonight i'm going to blow off some steam and get snockered (which I normally never ever do but I need to cut lose a little) when I go to hear a local band here in town.
Tomorrow it's back to work for one day, most likely with a hangover since I have to be up at 5:45 am lol ... omg I just realized it ... this is gonna make work interesting for any customers who happen my way lol.
Sunday is a lazy day but full of emotions that I won't want to deal with but will try to not think about. This weekend the ex-boyfriend turned roommate figure will be away on 2 different over-night dates. Guess i'll just have to keep my mind busy :)
Anyhow, I'll be sure not to blog this weekend so y'all don't have to hear my bellyaching lol.
But for now, Take care everyone and have a great weekend :)
Until next time ...
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
I gotta learn to speak Vulcan!
Cuz Jason (at work) has taken to slinging out Vulcan phrases at any given moment ... kinda like a turettes sufferer. i'm convinced that there's a hidden meaning behind his babblings lol...
Friday, January 13, 2006
"Terror at the laundromat"
Tonight it happened. I came <--> close to losing my temper with a stranger and damn near ringing her freaking neck!
Picture this. I get to the laundromat via a taxi cab. It's a cold, windy night with the temperatures in the low 30.s, so i'm not too happy about coming out at 8pm to wash clothes as it is, ok? Now, the laundromat I go to is hidden away behind a convenience store/gas station ... no signs or hints that it even resides where it does ... down 2 ramps ... one to the right, and a long one to the left ... until you hit level ground. Ask me why the laundromat is hidden away out of public view and accessable only if your Indiana Jones inclined? I dunno why. So there.
Already aggrevated by having to leave my warm bedroom that i'd been in all day, I had to lug 2 totes (= to 5 loads) of laundry, a magombo bigger-than-anyone-needs jug of laundry soap and a gallon of bleach down this steep maze in the freezing cold which mind you ... I am NOT use to, being a Las Vegas/California girl.
Then I thought I was being tricky by going inside and retrieving one of those laundry carts to haul my totes down with ... but that proved disasterous when the cart, having a mind of it's own decided it wanted to go wayyyyy faster down the ramps than my itty bitty body could go. So there I was, pulling one way while my laundry was going the other, all along trying to keep it straight so it wouldn't fall off the sides. UGH what a mess. I could only imagine what the entire scene looked like from above in the C-store parking lot lol.
Let me say however, there are some advantages to this laundry hide-away. The foremost is that not too many know of it and therefore, it's usually pretty vacant ... except tonight.
First of all, once in and after putting my totes on top of the washers I was going to use, I had to go back up and get quarters from the C-store. After getting those, a soda and a bag of funyuns, I get back to see a young Korean girl there. Now I am in no way racist and the only reason I even mention that she was Korean is because it will explain things better as I go along.
The first thing I noticed was that she had, within the 2 minutes I was gone, removed my totes from the washers I was gonna use, moving them clear to the other side of the room. There she was, loading her 3 meesely loads into MY pre-designated washers!
*Blink*Blink*.
But so far so good. I didn't blow up just yet. I grunted out loud, rolled my eyes, then walked to my laundry and started to load my washers.
Now here's where it starts to get hairy.
There are 14 dryers ok? 1 was out of service so that left 13. I had 5 loads ... hence 5 dryers ... and she 3 loads ... 3 dryers right? That leaves 5 extra dryers.
I load up 3 out of my 5 loads, and I look over at "Miss Thang", and she's putting 4-5 peices of clothing in each dryer! OMFG! I still have 2 dryers coming to me damnit! She can't do this!
My eyes dart over to the timers on my 2 washers that are still running and see I have 2 and 3 minutes left to go! I snap a look back to her just as she's making her way to the next to the last free dryer and I speak up ... "uh ... can you please leave me at least 1 dryer? I have 2 more loads to put in.". She reply's "no no noooo ... I can no do dat!".
Holy shyt! She was actually going to make me wait, and I was there first!
That's when the possession started.
Suddenly, I knew what it was like to be Linda Blair in The Exorsist. Things started to fly outta my mouth with no control!
There I stood, wet clothes in basket saying things like, "Oh HELL no ... OMFG ... I don't believe this ... wtf is she doin ... and this is freaking unreal!
It was like I was talking in tongues or something cuz I tell you, I could not shut up!
The whole time she ignored me, acting like she didn't hear me say a word.
So finally, after she manages to take the remaining 9 dryers for 3 loads of laundry, my verbal diarhea stops and I try to calm myself by thinking "ok, in 24 minutes my first dry load will be done and i'll have an empty dryer then ... ne biggy, just stay calm".
Well, my first dryer did stop and as I was standing with my back to it, the door open as I begin to fold it's contents on the table in front of me, the "dryer hog" decides to walk in between my dryer and me to go check on hers! She could have gone 2 other routes but nooooooo ... she had to walk right behind me, rolling a big-assed laundry cart with her, squeezing it past me and the dryer making me have to suck my ass in so far I was practically standing on my toes! Now why she needed the cart was beyond me anyways when all she had to retrieve if her things were dry, were 4-5 articles of clothing ... but regardless ... she is now testing my patience.
So i'm folding away and she's still walking back and forth behind me ... over and over but now, she keeps shutting my dryer doors as she goes by! WTF is wrong with this chick? Does she really want to see how far she can push me?
Well I still managed to do nothing more than breathe hard and grumble when all of a sudden, while i'm folding the boyfriends boxers, she yells out loud "no no nooooo!".
Startled, I snap a look over to her and I say "what?!!!!!".
She says "No show me man's underwear!".
Well suddenly I felt my lower jaw start to protrude like a werewolf, and in my best "wild boar" impersonation, lower teeth jutting out over my upper lip, I retorted with ...
"Then don't fucking look!".
OMG! was that me? I haven't yelled or cursed at a person since 1999!
My whole body shook as I started to pull laundry from the dryers, slamming doors so hard they would pop back open and what was she doing?
Gingerly folding her clothes ... the bitch!
Finally, "the boyfriend" arrives to pick me up just as i'm done folding the last load. I begin to tell him all about my horrid 2 hours with the dryer hog, somewhat thinking that the rant will make me feel better and also validate my idea of what just happened, when he says:
"well, first come first serve ..." while shrugging his shoulders.
I wanted to bust him right in his mouth. lol.
First come first serve my ass! What she did was rude as far as I was concerned and she was very lucky that i'm a lady! lol.
So I guess that is what Friday the 13th had in store for me today. True enough, it could have been far worse, but losing my mind and flying off the handle at a stranger wasn't any fun either lol.
Picture this. I get to the laundromat via a taxi cab. It's a cold, windy night with the temperatures in the low 30.s, so i'm not too happy about coming out at 8pm to wash clothes as it is, ok? Now, the laundromat I go to is hidden away behind a convenience store/gas station ... no signs or hints that it even resides where it does ... down 2 ramps ... one to the right, and a long one to the left ... until you hit level ground. Ask me why the laundromat is hidden away out of public view and accessable only if your Indiana Jones inclined? I dunno why. So there.
Already aggrevated by having to leave my warm bedroom that i'd been in all day, I had to lug 2 totes (= to 5 loads) of laundry, a magombo bigger-than-anyone-needs jug of laundry soap and a gallon of bleach down this steep maze in the freezing cold which mind you ... I am NOT use to, being a Las Vegas/California girl.
Then I thought I was being tricky by going inside and retrieving one of those laundry carts to haul my totes down with ... but that proved disasterous when the cart, having a mind of it's own decided it wanted to go wayyyyy faster down the ramps than my itty bitty body could go. So there I was, pulling one way while my laundry was going the other, all along trying to keep it straight so it wouldn't fall off the sides. UGH what a mess. I could only imagine what the entire scene looked like from above in the C-store parking lot lol.
Let me say however, there are some advantages to this laundry hide-away. The foremost is that not too many know of it and therefore, it's usually pretty vacant ... except tonight.
First of all, once in and after putting my totes on top of the washers I was going to use, I had to go back up and get quarters from the C-store. After getting those, a soda and a bag of funyuns, I get back to see a young Korean girl there. Now I am in no way racist and the only reason I even mention that she was Korean is because it will explain things better as I go along.
The first thing I noticed was that she had, within the 2 minutes I was gone, removed my totes from the washers I was gonna use, moving them clear to the other side of the room. There she was, loading her 3 meesely loads into MY pre-designated washers!
*Blink*Blink*.
But so far so good. I didn't blow up just yet. I grunted out loud, rolled my eyes, then walked to my laundry and started to load my washers.
Now here's where it starts to get hairy.
There are 14 dryers ok? 1 was out of service so that left 13. I had 5 loads ... hence 5 dryers ... and she 3 loads ... 3 dryers right? That leaves 5 extra dryers.
I load up 3 out of my 5 loads, and I look over at "Miss Thang", and she's putting 4-5 peices of clothing in each dryer! OMFG! I still have 2 dryers coming to me damnit! She can't do this!
My eyes dart over to the timers on my 2 washers that are still running and see I have 2 and 3 minutes left to go! I snap a look back to her just as she's making her way to the next to the last free dryer and I speak up ... "uh ... can you please leave me at least 1 dryer? I have 2 more loads to put in.". She reply's "no no noooo ... I can no do dat!".
Holy shyt! She was actually going to make me wait, and I was there first!
That's when the possession started.
Suddenly, I knew what it was like to be Linda Blair in The Exorsist. Things started to fly outta my mouth with no control!
There I stood, wet clothes in basket saying things like, "Oh HELL no ... OMFG ... I don't believe this ... wtf is she doin ... and this is freaking unreal!
It was like I was talking in tongues or something cuz I tell you, I could not shut up!
The whole time she ignored me, acting like she didn't hear me say a word.
So finally, after she manages to take the remaining 9 dryers for 3 loads of laundry, my verbal diarhea stops and I try to calm myself by thinking "ok, in 24 minutes my first dry load will be done and i'll have an empty dryer then ... ne biggy, just stay calm".
Well, my first dryer did stop and as I was standing with my back to it, the door open as I begin to fold it's contents on the table in front of me, the "dryer hog" decides to walk in between my dryer and me to go check on hers! She could have gone 2 other routes but nooooooo ... she had to walk right behind me, rolling a big-assed laundry cart with her, squeezing it past me and the dryer making me have to suck my ass in so far I was practically standing on my toes! Now why she needed the cart was beyond me anyways when all she had to retrieve if her things were dry, were 4-5 articles of clothing ... but regardless ... she is now testing my patience.
So i'm folding away and she's still walking back and forth behind me ... over and over but now, she keeps shutting my dryer doors as she goes by! WTF is wrong with this chick? Does she really want to see how far she can push me?
Well I still managed to do nothing more than breathe hard and grumble when all of a sudden, while i'm folding the boyfriends boxers, she yells out loud "no no nooooo!".
Startled, I snap a look over to her and I say "what?!!!!!".
She says "No show me man's underwear!".
Well suddenly I felt my lower jaw start to protrude like a werewolf, and in my best "wild boar" impersonation, lower teeth jutting out over my upper lip, I retorted with ...
"Then don't fucking look!".
OMG! was that me? I haven't yelled or cursed at a person since 1999!
My whole body shook as I started to pull laundry from the dryers, slamming doors so hard they would pop back open and what was she doing?
Gingerly folding her clothes ... the bitch!
Finally, "the boyfriend" arrives to pick me up just as i'm done folding the last load. I begin to tell him all about my horrid 2 hours with the dryer hog, somewhat thinking that the rant will make me feel better and also validate my idea of what just happened, when he says:
"well, first come first serve ..." while shrugging his shoulders.
I wanted to bust him right in his mouth. lol.
First come first serve my ass! What she did was rude as far as I was concerned and she was very lucky that i'm a lady! lol.
So I guess that is what Friday the 13th had in store for me today. True enough, it could have been far worse, but losing my mind and flying off the handle at a stranger wasn't any fun either lol.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Friday the 13th !!!!!
Sweet Jeezus! Tomorrow is my day off and I have plans to run errands, go to the laundromat and wash my blinds and I just realized what day it will be! Ohhh, woe is me I can see this now. My taxi will probably run outta gas, the washers will eat all my socks and my blinds will fall apart! ... I just know it!
Ok, I need a plan ...
1. I will not use any sharp utensils
2. I definetely will not answer the phone or the door
3. and NO COOKING! Lord have mercy, i'm dangerous enough in the kitchen on a regular day lol
Oh well, if anything bad happens, at least i'll have material for a nice long mishap post LOL.
Good luck tomorrow everyone!
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Top "5 things to do on my day off" and other wierd stuff
It's the start of my day off and it's a beautiful day for a change. over 60 degrees and so sunny outside that it's blinding. I've only gotten 3 hours sleep due to coughing and unfortunately, it's too early to do anything and since i'm literally dying from a cold, I might as well go back to bed. BUT, after I try to sleep for a couple more hours, i'm gonna ...
1. Cough my brains out and hope a lung falls out too
2. Google "where never-ending snot comes from"
3. Procrastinate over house cleaning, never actually intending on doing any
4. Cook garlic & basil chicken that I won't be able to taste
5. Count down the hours till I have to go to work tomorrow
Question of the day #1 (#1 cuz there may be more, depends on how warped I get today)
Synopsis: You're dirt poor, about as attractive as Quasimoto, and you have a fear of going under the knife for ANY reason.
Question: If offered 1 of the 2 following choices, which would you take and why?
Choice 1: To have 5 million dollars
Choice 2: to be stunningly attractive
Things I've noticed while not being able to sleep
1. I don't cough while sitting at the computer
2. My cat coughed up a fur ball under an end table that's too tricky to get under
3. My webcam is so dusty it looks like a Chia pet
4. I am drinking a soda from yesterday ... ugh ... wrong can ...
5. I dress like my grandmother whn i'm sick
6. Is it irony that 3 people in Turkey have caught the bird flu? (get it? turkey, bird = fowl ... ok, nevermind, it was just a thought ...)
7. I could sleep for hours if I could just do so sitting up in this chair
Yawnnnn & stretch ...
Ok, post morning nap and all has changed in the last 3 hours. The sky has gotten quite cloudy, my b/f's in a bad mood and has went to his families house for the day, I made a huge breakfast that no one will eat, i've discovered i'm outta Dr. Pepper and can't go get any, and there's only 8 hours left till I have to go to bed to be able to get up for work. Today now officially sucks!
Question of the day #2:
You are given 2 choices pertaining to your love life. Which one would you choose?
Choice #1: To have a one on one relationship where your partner is 100% in love and devoted to you without the worry of it ever ending.
Choice #2: To be loved and adored by many, yet never being allowed to have a steady, lasting relationship EVER.
Wierd things I think about ... Does anyone else have this problem?
1. I can NOT seem to move ahead unless I know, somewhat, what's gonna happen.
For example: I don't want to hang art on my walls because I don't know how long i'll be here, I don't want to get excited about something for fear it's not gonna happen.
2. I just realized i'm a pessimist. I simple can NOT imagine life becoming better as it goes, nor do I think good things come to those who wait ... namely ME lol.
3. Damnit, where DOES snot come from?
Ok, i'm outta here ...
I HAVE to find something to do with what's left of today. I'm not coughing hysterically or draining large quantities of mucous at the moment so maybe I WILL do some housework, I dunno. Anyhow, I hope everyone has a great week. Later! :)
1. Cough my brains out and hope a lung falls out too
2. Google "where never-ending snot comes from"
3. Procrastinate over house cleaning, never actually intending on doing any
4. Cook garlic & basil chicken that I won't be able to taste
5. Count down the hours till I have to go to work tomorrow
Question of the day #1 (#1 cuz there may be more, depends on how warped I get today)
Synopsis: You're dirt poor, about as attractive as Quasimoto, and you have a fear of going under the knife for ANY reason.
Question: If offered 1 of the 2 following choices, which would you take and why?
Choice 1: To have 5 million dollars
Choice 2: to be stunningly attractive
Things I've noticed while not being able to sleep
1. I don't cough while sitting at the computer
2. My cat coughed up a fur ball under an end table that's too tricky to get under
3. My webcam is so dusty it looks like a Chia pet
4. I am drinking a soda from yesterday ... ugh ... wrong can ...
5. I dress like my grandmother whn i'm sick
6. Is it irony that 3 people in Turkey have caught the bird flu? (get it? turkey, bird = fowl ... ok, nevermind, it was just a thought ...)
7. I could sleep for hours if I could just do so sitting up in this chair
Yawnnnn & stretch ...
Ok, post morning nap and all has changed in the last 3 hours. The sky has gotten quite cloudy, my b/f's in a bad mood and has went to his families house for the day, I made a huge breakfast that no one will eat, i've discovered i'm outta Dr. Pepper and can't go get any, and there's only 8 hours left till I have to go to bed to be able to get up for work. Today now officially sucks!
Question of the day #2:
You are given 2 choices pertaining to your love life. Which one would you choose?
Choice #1: To have a one on one relationship where your partner is 100% in love and devoted to you without the worry of it ever ending.
Choice #2: To be loved and adored by many, yet never being allowed to have a steady, lasting relationship EVER.
Wierd things I think about ... Does anyone else have this problem?
1. I can NOT seem to move ahead unless I know, somewhat, what's gonna happen.
For example: I don't want to hang art on my walls because I don't know how long i'll be here, I don't want to get excited about something for fear it's not gonna happen.
2. I just realized i'm a pessimist. I simple can NOT imagine life becoming better as it goes, nor do I think good things come to those who wait ... namely ME lol.
3. Damnit, where DOES snot come from?
Ok, i'm outta here ...
I HAVE to find something to do with what's left of today. I'm not coughing hysterically or draining large quantities of mucous at the moment so maybe I WILL do some housework, I dunno. Anyhow, I hope everyone has a great week. Later! :)
Friday, January 06, 2006
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Who'd have thunk it?
And I thought Las vegas was bad!AP - Phelps Co. MO. - Ronnie Pokitpussi, a Rolla area peeping Tom, expressed exasperation Tuesday, when a fifth consecutive elderly victim did nothing more with her evening than watch hours of television game shows. "I am just so disappointed. I thought I was really going to get to see some hot action" said the 49-year-old Pokitpussi, speaking from his hydrangea bush hiding place when police in Rolla nabbed him in the act.
"What was he expecting to see?" a puzzled police chief Barney Miller told the press. "surely he wasn't expecting to see them in a state of undress or a private sexual act, and if he was, then this is a very sick man".
A sick man is just what many senior citizens in Rolla are saying Pockitpussi is. Several residents of a nearby senior citizen facility knew something was amiss in their complex lately, but could never catch the pervert in the act. But unfortunately for Pokitpussi, he was finally caught while peering into his own neighbors grandmothers bedroom. When asked to turn out his pockets while being searched by police at the scene, he was found to have three pairs of women's bloomers and a copy of readers digest inside, but claimed he found them in his back yard.
In this latest attempt, the Rolla area pervert tried to run off after the 79 year old victim he was ogling, noticed his face in her window after the pane started to fog up, and began screaming. But, he got caught up in the hydrangea bush by his suspenders and was stalled long enough to be caught "messy handed" by a police sniffer dog. Police also believe he may have been high on drugs at the time. Toxicology reports are pending.
Amazingly enough, in an unpresidented action, a Phelps Co. Municipal judge wanted to teach the serial Peeping Tom a lesson he'd never forget -- so he sentenced him to 12 straight hours of staring at fat, old, ugly, naked people.
In a scene reminiscent of the shocking film A Clockwork Orange, Pockitpussi was forced to focus ahead as scores of sagging, wrinkled, overweight residents of a nudist colony for senior citizens strolled by him in their birthday suits.
"This was cruel and unusual punishment," says the perverted peeping tom, who was strapped to a heavy wooden chair during what he describes as a "terrible ordeal."
"I never knew ugly could come in so many different shapes and sizes," he says. "I was disgusted to know I'd have to look at naked old men too, but believe me, the women were just as repulsive. Once or twice I thought I was going to be sick.
"Maybe Mr. Pockitpussi has learned his lesson" police chief Barney Miller stated in a press release after the sentence was carried out - "but this remains to be seen".
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Emerging from the aftermath
Well, Christmas is done and the hustle and bustle of work, shopping, wrapping, baking, and having the flu is over ... hallelujah!
Anyhow ...
I've really missed everyone and reading the blogs every day ... even when I had news to post, I just couldn't seem to get the time or energy to get on the computer. So even now, while I struggle to keep my eyes open still in the aftermath of the holidays, i'll see what I can remember about the past few weeks ...
Katey ... well, poor Katey has left the building. I'm sorry to say there will be no more Katey stories *booooooo*. She was let go from work about 3 and a half weeks ago after "The great saddle/concho case" incident!
In true Katey form, she was demonstrating how to mount a saddle in the tack department, after bouncing on it like she was Calamity Jane, when all of a sudden, the poor girl goes head first into the tack counter where the silver concho case sits. Well, the case fell of course and busted all to hell ... conchos everywhere ... but the funny part, and yes, there was a funny part i'm sorry to say ... was Katey ... still straddling the saddle with her head buried in the tack counter! OMFG you should have seen it! She looked like she was imitating an ostrich lol. The girl never once let go of that knobby thingy you hold onto, (can ya tell I haven't learned to much about horse stuff yet? lol) not even to brace her fall! The 2 other co-workers and myself, in pure shock, couldn't do anything for the first 3 minutes but laugh our asses off until we realized Katey couldn't get up lol. So that was when I tried to lift her 6 ft frame fiem it's embedded home in the counter lol. She was fine, thank goodness, but word got out what had happened and 2 days later ... Katey was no more. ...
Jason the one who talks to himself in the form of Scotty from Star Trek, has gotton worse. I caught him last week in the mens department with both thumbs in the air waving ... and actually thanking an imaginary crowd at was was apparently, in his mind, his solo performance at a rock concert lol. The poor boy now thinks he's Jon Bon Jovi ... * shaking head* ...
Well, that's it for now. I gotta dye my hair and catch up on all the girly girl stuff i've missed like painting my toes and plucking my eyebrows lol (yes, i've been a mess!) But i'll be back soon to catch up on what i've missed in the blogs. Toodles everyone! Muaaaaaah!
Anyhow ...
I've really missed everyone and reading the blogs every day ... even when I had news to post, I just couldn't seem to get the time or energy to get on the computer. So even now, while I struggle to keep my eyes open still in the aftermath of the holidays, i'll see what I can remember about the past few weeks ...
Katey ... well, poor Katey has left the building. I'm sorry to say there will be no more Katey stories *booooooo*. She was let go from work about 3 and a half weeks ago after "The great saddle/concho case" incident!
In true Katey form, she was demonstrating how to mount a saddle in the tack department, after bouncing on it like she was Calamity Jane, when all of a sudden, the poor girl goes head first into the tack counter where the silver concho case sits. Well, the case fell of course and busted all to hell ... conchos everywhere ... but the funny part, and yes, there was a funny part i'm sorry to say ... was Katey ... still straddling the saddle with her head buried in the tack counter! OMFG you should have seen it! She looked like she was imitating an ostrich lol. The girl never once let go of that knobby thingy you hold onto, (can ya tell I haven't learned to much about horse stuff yet? lol) not even to brace her fall! The 2 other co-workers and myself, in pure shock, couldn't do anything for the first 3 minutes but laugh our asses off until we realized Katey couldn't get up lol. So that was when I tried to lift her 6 ft frame fiem it's embedded home in the counter lol. She was fine, thank goodness, but word got out what had happened and 2 days later ... Katey was no more. ...
Jason the one who talks to himself in the form of Scotty from Star Trek, has gotton worse. I caught him last week in the mens department with both thumbs in the air waving ... and actually thanking an imaginary crowd at was was apparently, in his mind, his solo performance at a rock concert lol. The poor boy now thinks he's Jon Bon Jovi ... * shaking head* ...
Well, that's it for now. I gotta dye my hair and catch up on all the girly girl stuff i've missed like painting my toes and plucking my eyebrows lol (yes, i've been a mess!) But i'll be back soon to catch up on what i've missed in the blogs. Toodles everyone! Muaaaaaah!
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
The 411, 911, and happy turkey day!
Sweet Jeezus what a weeks it's been!
I took my camera to work to get a pic of the infamous Katey right? Well, i'm in the breakroom just before it was time to get out on the floor, and I was taking some pics of co-workers in the smoking room ... so as to throw anyone off as to why I really brought my camera to work lol.
Well, I was clicking away and James ... poor sweet innocent 19 years old James, asked to see the pics that i'd already taken. I said sure, and handed him the camera. He scanned thru the photos of our co-workers, even commenting on the nature shots that my b/f had taken and left on the card and handed it back to me.
No biggie. (yeah right!)
So I get out on the sales floor and about 4 hours later Odessa, another co-worker asked to see what i'd shot.
I Fire up the camera and hand it to her as i'm putting away men's long johns ... she's checkin' the pics out and then suddenly feezes.
She says "Girl, this is way too much info for me!" ...
I walk towards her and look over her shoulder and lo and behold ... there are my HNT pics!
Suddenly, the room grew dark and I was on the floor lol.
I looked up at her and started to laugh my freaking ass off for about 1 minute until I realized ... JAMES!
OMG poor sweet innocent 19 years old James has seen those pics!
Well now, still on the floor, i'm hyperventilating and Odessa is on her knees in hysterics lol.
She tells me "omg woman, why don't you go back to the break room and calm down till we decide what to do" lol.
So I did, and who's in there? My supervisor!
No hiding this catastrophy as I came running in, plopping down at the table, red as a beet and breathing like I just ran a marathon ...
Busted.
He looks at me and says "Ok, what's happened" lol.
I'm a bad liar and even so at this junction, I could use a little advice so I told him the story.
After all, it was an innocent mistake on my part ... not like I planned to show off my nudie shots to a young boy lol.
Well anyways, after almost choking from laughter ... which I didn't find very amusing at this point after divulging my by far, most embarrassing moment as a sales woman, he assured me that James wouldn't tell a soul nor would he even acknowledge that he saw the pics ... he says "he's just that kinda guy".
I felt a tad bit better but still, the thought of that poor kid now knowing what I look like under my "True Value" vest really weighed heavy on my mind lol.
So, just to let ya know, this here pic I got of Katey is now worth it's weight in gold ...
Have this staring atcha thru your kitchen window in the dark!
Btw, Katey has a love interest! What's good about this is that she has kinda laid off of me ... kinda. What's bad about this is that he's the new guy at work.
Jason is his name and since day one, Katey has been on him like a like a fly on stink.
On his first day, she asked him to her house. He accepted and there, they played pool under the close, watchful eye of her parents.
Day 2 she told everyone at work they were a couple ... uh, accept Jason lol.
She stuck to him like glue the whole day, never doing any work and stopping him from doing any either. So, he didn't hear he was "taken" until after he had already accepted a dinner invitation for that night from her, earlier that day. Upon hearing this news from his new co-workers, he immediately canceled on the meal, and thus started a day of pure unadulterated Katey hell!
Suddenly she was in front of me and my mountain of wrangler jeans doing that demon possessed thang she did at my house. She was whinning "Why, why, why, won't he talk to me now? I finally get a man and the next day I run him off! Why me!?"
I said "Katey, you didn't get a man, at best you met an aquaintance at work, don't you think you're moving this a little too fast?".
She said "But he came home with me and mom and dad liked him!".
UGH!
I explained to her that she had to back off a little, let nature take it's course, but she wouldn't have it. She insisted on getting answers from him and followed him to the breakroom where she interrogated him like they were married for 10 years lol.
In the end, he told her that he didn't want a girlfriend, her response? ... "so".
That's our "don't take no for an answer Katey!" lol.
It's been 4 days now and she hasn't let up on the poor guy yet. Mind you, he is about as goofy as she is ... he sings 80's music out loud around customers, dancing like Michael Jackson and i've caught him several times standing alone in a dressing room talking to himself ("aye captain, I can take the prisoners to the bridge for you ... beep beep") ... and, he's about as lazy so you would think it's a match made in heaven lol.
Nevertheless, she has even taken up smoking so she can "click" with him, has begun renting Star Trek episodes on DVD and she still won't stay away from him at work no matter how far we split the 2 apart ... lordy.
Then ... there was the "Aflac Insurance man".
He was trying to sell us accident insurance at work yesterday and it was bad enough that the whole time he rambled on I couldn't stop hearing that stupid duck quacking and saying "Aflac" in my head ... but by mid day the old buzzard started following me around!
Every place I went, he was there. He was even waiting for me as I came out of the freaking bathroom grrrr!
He freaked me the hell out and all I wanted to do was twist that lop-sided toupee back around on his crooked head lol. Doesn't he kinda look like something from Hellraiser?
Then I come home to Ozzy ... my cat.
My fat ass, 30 pound, Garfield looking, eat everything in site and lay around like he has no shame, orange fur shedding all over the furnature, hairball coughing, plop down under your feet when you're trying to cook, and has to be petted every minute or he'll harrass you till you scream, annoying cat ... Ugh.
But on the bright side ... it's Turkey Day! And I plan to cook a humongously big-ass turkey that I can eat all week until I get so sick of it I end up feeding it to Ozzy lol.
Anyhow, I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving and loads to be thankful for :)
Until we meet again ...
I took my camera to work to get a pic of the infamous Katey right? Well, i'm in the breakroom just before it was time to get out on the floor, and I was taking some pics of co-workers in the smoking room ... so as to throw anyone off as to why I really brought my camera to work lol.
Well, I was clicking away and James ... poor sweet innocent 19 years old James, asked to see the pics that i'd already taken. I said sure, and handed him the camera. He scanned thru the photos of our co-workers, even commenting on the nature shots that my b/f had taken and left on the card and handed it back to me.
No biggie. (yeah right!)
So I get out on the sales floor and about 4 hours later Odessa, another co-worker asked to see what i'd shot.
I Fire up the camera and hand it to her as i'm putting away men's long johns ... she's checkin' the pics out and then suddenly feezes.
She says "Girl, this is way too much info for me!" ...
I walk towards her and look over her shoulder and lo and behold ... there are my HNT pics!
Suddenly, the room grew dark and I was on the floor lol.
I looked up at her and started to laugh my freaking ass off for about 1 minute until I realized ... JAMES!
OMG poor sweet innocent 19 years old James has seen those pics!
Well now, still on the floor, i'm hyperventilating and Odessa is on her knees in hysterics lol.
She tells me "omg woman, why don't you go back to the break room and calm down till we decide what to do" lol.
So I did, and who's in there? My supervisor!
No hiding this catastrophy as I came running in, plopping down at the table, red as a beet and breathing like I just ran a marathon ...
Busted.
He looks at me and says "Ok, what's happened" lol.
I'm a bad liar and even so at this junction, I could use a little advice so I told him the story.
After all, it was an innocent mistake on my part ... not like I planned to show off my nudie shots to a young boy lol.
Well anyways, after almost choking from laughter ... which I didn't find very amusing at this point after divulging my by far, most embarrassing moment as a sales woman, he assured me that James wouldn't tell a soul nor would he even acknowledge that he saw the pics ... he says "he's just that kinda guy".
I felt a tad bit better but still, the thought of that poor kid now knowing what I look like under my "True Value" vest really weighed heavy on my mind lol.
So, just to let ya know, this here pic I got of Katey is now worth it's weight in gold ...
Have this staring atcha thru your kitchen window in the dark!
Btw, Katey has a love interest! What's good about this is that she has kinda laid off of me ... kinda. What's bad about this is that he's the new guy at work.
Jason is his name and since day one, Katey has been on him like a like a fly on stink.
On his first day, she asked him to her house. He accepted and there, they played pool under the close, watchful eye of her parents.
Day 2 she told everyone at work they were a couple ... uh, accept Jason lol.
She stuck to him like glue the whole day, never doing any work and stopping him from doing any either. So, he didn't hear he was "taken" until after he had already accepted a dinner invitation for that night from her, earlier that day. Upon hearing this news from his new co-workers, he immediately canceled on the meal, and thus started a day of pure unadulterated Katey hell!
Suddenly she was in front of me and my mountain of wrangler jeans doing that demon possessed thang she did at my house. She was whinning "Why, why, why, won't he talk to me now? I finally get a man and the next day I run him off! Why me!?"
I said "Katey, you didn't get a man, at best you met an aquaintance at work, don't you think you're moving this a little too fast?".
She said "But he came home with me and mom and dad liked him!".
UGH!
I explained to her that she had to back off a little, let nature take it's course, but she wouldn't have it. She insisted on getting answers from him and followed him to the breakroom where she interrogated him like they were married for 10 years lol.
In the end, he told her that he didn't want a girlfriend, her response? ... "so".
That's our "don't take no for an answer Katey!" lol.
It's been 4 days now and she hasn't let up on the poor guy yet. Mind you, he is about as goofy as she is ... he sings 80's music out loud around customers, dancing like Michael Jackson and i've caught him several times standing alone in a dressing room talking to himself ("aye captain, I can take the prisoners to the bridge for you ... beep beep") ... and, he's about as lazy so you would think it's a match made in heaven lol.
Nevertheless, she has even taken up smoking so she can "click" with him, has begun renting Star Trek episodes on DVD and she still won't stay away from him at work no matter how far we split the 2 apart ... lordy.
Then ... there was the "Aflac Insurance man".
He was trying to sell us accident insurance at work yesterday and it was bad enough that the whole time he rambled on I couldn't stop hearing that stupid duck quacking and saying "Aflac" in my head ... but by mid day the old buzzard started following me around!
Every place I went, he was there. He was even waiting for me as I came out of the freaking bathroom grrrr!
He freaked me the hell out and all I wanted to do was twist that lop-sided toupee back around on his crooked head lol. Doesn't he kinda look like something from Hellraiser?
Then I come home to Ozzy ... my cat.
My fat ass, 30 pound, Garfield looking, eat everything in site and lay around like he has no shame, orange fur shedding all over the furnature, hairball coughing, plop down under your feet when you're trying to cook, and has to be petted every minute or he'll harrass you till you scream, annoying cat ... Ugh.
But on the bright side ... it's Turkey Day! And I plan to cook a humongously big-ass turkey that I can eat all week until I get so sick of it I end up feeding it to Ozzy lol.
Anyhow, I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving and loads to be thankful for :)
Until we meet again ...
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Katey moment #2
As she made her approach, arms out ready to bear hug me to death, she was babbling something about signing a card. Apparently, one of the girls there are leaving for another job tomorrow, so Katey bought a card for all of us to sign. Ok, seems like a simple request. So I sign the card and out goes her hand. "what?" I asked her. "Now I need 25 cents from you to help pay for the card." she says.
*rolling eyes*
"Ok" I tell her and I went to my locker to get a quarter. She left after an hour of bugging people to sign her card which incidently she had to of made $3.75 on cuz at a quarter a signature the cost was surely covered with the first 8-9 employees lol. Then evening came ...
Picturs this: I was in my kitchen making myself some chicken tacos. I went to the sink at some point to run some water and happened to look up at the window in front of me and about flew thru the ceiling screaming so loud I bet there was avalanche in the alps!
There she was ... Katey ... in the dark staring at me thru my kitchen window ...
How long she'd been there I have no clue, but the mere sight of her in the darkness almost gave me a freaking coronary!
I went to the door to ask her what she wanted when she just flew by me barging inside. She said "i'm buying Laura a a goodbye cake for tomorrow and I need 3 bucks from you to help pay for it." I said "Katey, I won't be there tomorrow and I don't even know Laura ... but ok fine, lemme get you 3 bucks ...".
So I go into my backpack that's still on the sofa from when I came home and off she goes to my bedroom again! I hear "whatcha watching on TV in here, and oh I see you made your bed this time!" So I go in and politely walk her out of my bedroom giving her the low-down on the crime show I was watching and I go to give her the 3 bucks and she says "i'll take those 2 fives too" as she's gleefully scratching her crotch (that dreaded yeast infection i bet).
OMG!
I said "nooooo you won't, look, take ONE five for the gas you used yesterday driving me all over town to see all of your hangouts ... and we'll call it even.
She wrinkled her one eyebrow a bit then she said "fine then" and snatched the bill outta my hand lol.
Well now i'm really ticked off and felt right to be so since she just popped in uninvited and all ... so I had no problem saying as I moved her towards the door "Ok Katey, there you go now have a good night and i'll see you on Friday".
I believe I have me my very own stalker lol. And it's costing me money even!
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
And I had to ask: can this get any worse? Plus a comment ...
OMFG! Did you read the comments from my acne commercial post? Someone from the what's probably the "Loyal Order Of Acne Research foundation" no doubt, actually posted lol:
I've just found your site after doing research for **No More Spots** www.nomoresports.co.uk is an Acne Treatment resource site that may have further information of interest.
*lmao @ nomorespots* ... How freaking funny is that LOL.
Ok, now back to the reason why i'm here ...
OMG where do I begin?
Ok, here's the scoop ...
I don't drive. I have no car. Basically because about 4 years ago I got my license suspended for missing an insurance payment and in Las Vegas with everything being so close, I didn't need to drive really. Now, I have to get a car and a license again ... but anyways ... so we've established that I have NO transportation.
Well, normally, since there is no bus system here in Rolla, I take taxi's to and from work. Today, one of my co-workers was nice enough, (after eavesdropping on my convo when my b/f brought me money for a taxi) to give me a lift home instead. Now about this co-worker ...
Her name is Katey. She's 22 and to put it kindly, a little on the "different" side. I say different cuz she does things that one wouldn't expect from a 22 year old. Like jumping up and down clapping her hands and saying "goody goody" at the mere thought of "bingo", her brother's horse. She has also begun to follow me everywhere at work totally ingnoring her own duties and this morning ... she told me a story of how she wishes god would send her a "friend" to love and how lonely it is in "kateyville". Well, despite being annoyed at the 20 times she hugged me in 4 hours and down right peeved at the "kick me" sign she put on my back or the 4 times she popped out of the dressing rooms scaring the holy shit outta me ... when I heard her story, I felt so sad for her. I even fought off thinking about her statement in the break room as I ate my sandwich ... "Know why i'm itchy? I get yeast infections 50 times a year!".
*Shaking head*
So, when she begged to take me home today, what could I say? I didn't want to make her think I would choose paying a taxi 3 bucks over her! So ...
I relented.
Biggest freaking mistake I could possibly make!
She left 4 hours before me then bopped back in to pick me up at 4:20.
I was like, "hold on Katey, I have 10 more minutes left". So, she followed me the whole time counting the minutes down lol.
Finally we leave and she informs me as i'm getting into her car that the ride will cost me $20.00 bucks! lol.
Whoa buddy! I said "you asked ME! I will gladly give you 3 dollars but you ain't getting $20" lol. She was like, "ok, ok ... you can give me $10 on payday lol".
So we're on our way to what is supposed to be a 10-15 minute trip when she says "I think i'll take you by my church first!". I said "ummmmm ... alright .... but then it's home after that ok?"
She agreed.
Next thing I know we're driving by not only her church, but her house, her brother's house, the video store that she rents movies from etc ... Finally I say "ok Katey, I need to get home now".
She says ok and when we get to my house, she asks to see my place.
Again, what could I say?
So we walk in and she looks around ... she walks into the bedroom to check it out too ... and says "do you live with your boyfriend?" I said "yes" and she then tells me "mom would never go for that! I was raised with alot better morals!".
Hummph! *raising one eyebrow* Alrighty then! lol.
After noticing that my b/f must smoke too (she checked the ashtrays and saw brown filters mixed with my white ones lol) she then proceeds to look at my collection of nintendo games and somewhere ... in the middle of talking about The Legend of Zelda and Paperboy she belts out: "So ... how many times do you 2 do it?" ...
*THUD*
"Excuse me?" I say ...
Well all of a sudden she goes into this animated thing with her head and her hands and one raised leg that reminded me of 1 of 2 things ... either she was fighting off another personality or ... exorcising a demon!
She repeats herself, finally after almost tearing her hair out ... "How-man-y-times-do-you-2-do-it?" like I don't speak english lol.
I said "ummmm ... do what?"
DUMMY DUMMY DUMMY ME!
Why in the hell did I say that when I knew what the hell she meant!? I should have just answered back with a random figure for her and left it at that but noooooooo ... I was embarrassed and I had to play DUMB which led to this:
"You know!!!!! Howwwwwww dooooo I sayyyyy thisssss ... How many times does he get on top of you and sweat with his thing inside of you?"
*double gulp*
In shock, I scramble for an answer that won't make her grab a butcher knife off my counter and lay into me like Carrie's mother screaming "dirty pillows!" and I meekly answer:
"Uhhhh ... every now and then ...?????"
She then lowered her shoulders and gave me a semi satisfied look and said "ok, I don't believe that but, just wanted to know, lol.
That's when I said I needed to start dinner and reminded her that she had to go home to ask her mother if she could go to the church revival.
Thank goodness she agreed and finally left ... sweet jeezus!
Holy shit!!!!! ... GREASE FIRE!!!!!
This is an Emergency Alert!!!!!: Never blog while cooking and never NEVER let water get in a pan with hot oil in it! .... BRB! ...
Ok, situation handled *waving smoke* ... Now where was I ... ohhhhh yes ...
So anyhow, her parting words to me were "Yippie! we work together on Friday and Saturday!" What am I to do? I don't wanna be mean to her but damnit, i'm running outta places to hide! And do you know how pathetic it looks to see a grown woman crotched down under a furnace in the hanger closet peeking thru a hole in the wall? Or better yet, tucked under the tack counter?
She's off tomorrow and i'm off Thursday so I guess I better think fast lol.
Update:
Attn Anonymous who posted: OMG you didn't just call me baby! This is my blog, not the sequel to War and Peace! I don't write it for anyone but ME and since my standards are extremely low, the quality is just fine *giggling* ... And btw, my name's not baby ... it's Miss Jackson if you're nasty!
I've just found your site after doing research for **No More Spots** www.nomoresports.co.uk is an Acne Treatment resource site that may have further information of interest.
*lmao @ nomorespots* ... How freaking funny is that LOL.
Ok, now back to the reason why i'm here ...
OMG where do I begin?
Ok, here's the scoop ...
I don't drive. I have no car. Basically because about 4 years ago I got my license suspended for missing an insurance payment and in Las Vegas with everything being so close, I didn't need to drive really. Now, I have to get a car and a license again ... but anyways ... so we've established that I have NO transportation.
Well, normally, since there is no bus system here in Rolla, I take taxi's to and from work. Today, one of my co-workers was nice enough, (after eavesdropping on my convo when my b/f brought me money for a taxi) to give me a lift home instead. Now about this co-worker ...
Her name is Katey. She's 22 and to put it kindly, a little on the "different" side. I say different cuz she does things that one wouldn't expect from a 22 year old. Like jumping up and down clapping her hands and saying "goody goody" at the mere thought of "bingo", her brother's horse. She has also begun to follow me everywhere at work totally ingnoring her own duties and this morning ... she told me a story of how she wishes god would send her a "friend" to love and how lonely it is in "kateyville". Well, despite being annoyed at the 20 times she hugged me in 4 hours and down right peeved at the "kick me" sign she put on my back or the 4 times she popped out of the dressing rooms scaring the holy shit outta me ... when I heard her story, I felt so sad for her. I even fought off thinking about her statement in the break room as I ate my sandwich ... "Know why i'm itchy? I get yeast infections 50 times a year!".
*Shaking head*
So, when she begged to take me home today, what could I say? I didn't want to make her think I would choose paying a taxi 3 bucks over her! So ...
I relented.
Biggest freaking mistake I could possibly make!
She left 4 hours before me then bopped back in to pick me up at 4:20.
I was like, "hold on Katey, I have 10 more minutes left". So, she followed me the whole time counting the minutes down lol.
Finally we leave and she informs me as i'm getting into her car that the ride will cost me $20.00 bucks! lol.
Whoa buddy! I said "you asked ME! I will gladly give you 3 dollars but you ain't getting $20" lol. She was like, "ok, ok ... you can give me $10 on payday lol".
So we're on our way to what is supposed to be a 10-15 minute trip when she says "I think i'll take you by my church first!". I said "ummmmm ... alright .... but then it's home after that ok?"
She agreed.
Next thing I know we're driving by not only her church, but her house, her brother's house, the video store that she rents movies from etc ... Finally I say "ok Katey, I need to get home now".
She says ok and when we get to my house, she asks to see my place.
Again, what could I say?
So we walk in and she looks around ... she walks into the bedroom to check it out too ... and says "do you live with your boyfriend?" I said "yes" and she then tells me "mom would never go for that! I was raised with alot better morals!".
Hummph! *raising one eyebrow* Alrighty then! lol.
After noticing that my b/f must smoke too (she checked the ashtrays and saw brown filters mixed with my white ones lol) she then proceeds to look at my collection of nintendo games and somewhere ... in the middle of talking about The Legend of Zelda and Paperboy she belts out: "So ... how many times do you 2 do it?" ...
*THUD*
"Excuse me?" I say ...
Well all of a sudden she goes into this animated thing with her head and her hands and one raised leg that reminded me of 1 of 2 things ... either she was fighting off another personality or ... exorcising a demon!
She repeats herself, finally after almost tearing her hair out ... "How-man-y-times-do-you-2-do-it?" like I don't speak english lol.
I said "ummmm ... do what?"
DUMMY DUMMY DUMMY ME!
Why in the hell did I say that when I knew what the hell she meant!? I should have just answered back with a random figure for her and left it at that but noooooooo ... I was embarrassed and I had to play DUMB which led to this:
"You know!!!!! Howwwwwww dooooo I sayyyyy thisssss ... How many times does he get on top of you and sweat with his thing inside of you?"
*double gulp*
In shock, I scramble for an answer that won't make her grab a butcher knife off my counter and lay into me like Carrie's mother screaming "dirty pillows!" and I meekly answer:
"Uhhhh ... every now and then ...?????"
She then lowered her shoulders and gave me a semi satisfied look and said "ok, I don't believe that but, just wanted to know, lol.
That's when I said I needed to start dinner and reminded her that she had to go home to ask her mother if she could go to the church revival.
Thank goodness she agreed and finally left ... sweet jeezus!
Holy shit!!!!! ... GREASE FIRE!!!!!
This is an Emergency Alert!!!!!: Never blog while cooking and never NEVER let water get in a pan with hot oil in it! .... BRB! ...
Ok, situation handled *waving smoke* ... Now where was I ... ohhhhh yes ...
So anyhow, her parting words to me were "Yippie! we work together on Friday and Saturday!" What am I to do? I don't wanna be mean to her but damnit, i'm running outta places to hide! And do you know how pathetic it looks to see a grown woman crotched down under a furnace in the hanger closet peeking thru a hole in the wall? Or better yet, tucked under the tack counter?
She's off tomorrow and i'm off Thursday so I guess I better think fast lol.
Update:
Attn Anonymous who posted: OMG you didn't just call me baby! This is my blog, not the sequel to War and Peace! I don't write it for anyone but ME and since my standards are extremely low, the quality is just fine *giggling* ... And btw, my name's not baby ... it's Miss Jackson if you're nasty!
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Hmmm ... me thinks I think way too much ...
I got this email tonight in my inbox ... obviously not caught by my bulk mail folder probably because the subject line went like this: Heya Goobrgrl what's up? The email was as follows:
Hey you! nice talking to you the other day!
here's that site I was telling you about. I got some of these for myself cause they were on sale, you should check out the site! This is so cool. They are offering huge discounts now on Penis Enhancment Patches!
I know like 10 guys dude who have already stocked up on these. Goobrgrl! Don't be left behind!
Now why in the hell would they spam a name like "GoobrgGRL" with something pertaining to males? What buttmunches! lol.
But it got my mind to wandering ... as it often does ... what if I did have a penis? I certainly wouldn't need a patch for it!
Not my penis! I would have a huge manly penis I would ... a big-assed 9 incher with burly inch deep ridges that looked like goodyear tire tread, and veins that pulsated constantly like a discoteque strobe light!
And it would have a name ... branded into the side of it to show it's great power. HURK! yes! ... Hurk! That would be it's name!
Women would shriek at the site of it! *eeek!" (sound effects) ... men would bow humbley in it's presence ...
Ahh ... if only to have one for a day ... I would put it in everything. Miracle Whip, strawberry jam, even peanut butter! I would whip it out smugly, slapping it down on the coffee table with a thunderous crash when company came over just to watch them gasp in amazement. And oh what fun it would be to scare the hell outta my cat Ozzy and chase him thru the house with it! "here kitty kitty ..." bwaaahahaha! "this will teach you to stay off of the bed you little ...".
Penis patch! Pfffttt! "We don' nee' no steenking penis patch!".
Ok, i'm done now ... carry on, lol.
Hey you! nice talking to you the other day!
here's that site I was telling you about. I got some of these for myself cause they were on sale, you should check out the site! This is so cool. They are offering huge discounts now on Penis Enhancment Patches!
I know like 10 guys dude who have already stocked up on these. Goobrgrl! Don't be left behind!
Now why in the hell would they spam a name like "GoobrgGRL" with something pertaining to males? What buttmunches! lol.
But it got my mind to wandering ... as it often does ... what if I did have a penis? I certainly wouldn't need a patch for it!
Not my penis! I would have a huge manly penis I would ... a big-assed 9 incher with burly inch deep ridges that looked like goodyear tire tread, and veins that pulsated constantly like a discoteque strobe light!
And it would have a name ... branded into the side of it to show it's great power. HURK! yes! ... Hurk! That would be it's name!
Women would shriek at the site of it! *eeek!" (sound effects) ... men would bow humbley in it's presence ...
Ahh ... if only to have one for a day ... I would put it in everything. Miracle Whip, strawberry jam, even peanut butter! I would whip it out smugly, slapping it down on the coffee table with a thunderous crash when company came over just to watch them gasp in amazement. And oh what fun it would be to scare the hell outta my cat Ozzy and chase him thru the house with it! "here kitty kitty ..." bwaaahahaha! "this will teach you to stay off of the bed you little ...".
Penis patch! Pfffttt! "We don' nee' no steenking penis patch!".
Ok, i'm done now ... carry on, lol.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Flip, pick and riff ala Lecram ...
... As per the rules on lecram's blog:
1. FLIP open a dictionary and point to a word.
2. Type the word into Google images.
3. PICK an image that strikes you.
4. Write a 10 line RIFF off the image.
5. Use the word or the meaning of the word at least once within the first 5 lines of your riff.
6. Tag 3 other bloggers on your list.
1. FLIP open a dictionary and point to a word.
2. Type the word into Google images.
3. PICK an image that strikes you.
4. Write a 10 line RIFF off the image.
5. Use the word or the meaning of the word at least once within the first 5 lines of your riff.
6. Tag 3 other bloggers on your list.
The word: egregious
The hamburger wars on the southside have gotten out of hand today with the egregious act of violence against Ronald McDonald. Children visiting the fast food chain had to witness angry boycotters defiling and finally tackling the famed hamburger icon to the ground right in front of their eyes. Several adults came to Ronalds rescue but to no avail as the the angry mob sprayed graffitti on him and then knocked him to the ground. "How could they do this to Ronald?" one child asked. How? No one knows for sure what goes through the mind of unhappy McDonalds patrons, but with this act of violence, it seems that this war is not going to end soon.
I tag: ThomCat, Bsoholic and Mamakbear
Ok, I have something else to say ...
This is the craziest shyt I have ever heard.
Have you ever seen the commercials on tv that talk about the advantages of certain misc. drugs like allery medications and cold meds?
While I was attempting to nap a moment ago, I had the tv on, trying to fall asleep to it, and heard this faintly in the background:
Blah blah blah ... if you have SEVERE PROBLEM ACNE ... blah blah blah ... ASK YOUR DR. IF ... blah blah blah ... some side effects may be:
... Difficulty breathing; closing of your throat; swelling of your lips, face, or tongue; hives, hallucinations, abnormal behavior, or severe confusion, headache, drowsiness, dizziness, or clumsiness; nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, or constipation, depression, muscle aches or pains; vivid or abnormal dreams; memory loss ...
OMFG! just to get rid of a zit!!!!!?????
But wait! Hold the freaking phone cuz this is the best part:
... Soon after, a rash may appear - most often on your upper body or head. It may look like acne or dry skin. This is a common reaction. Your doctor may prescribe drugs to help heal the rash. If you do get a rash, do not stop taking the medication unless instructed to do so by your doctor.
Sweet Jeezus! Isn't this what the hell you were trying to avoid in the first place?????
So lemme get this straight ... I have acne right? ... and I wanna get rid of it so I take a medication that not ONLY can cause me to damn near go into cardiac arrest, fall down or bump into shyt after having nightmares, explode from an abnormal bowel movement and not even know who or where I am while i'm doing it and then probably shrivel up and die, BUT can also make me look 10 times worse than I started out?????
What the HELL are they thinking?! And then they say whatever you do, do NOT stop taking the drug cuz their gonna prescribe even MORE drugs when the bad stuff starts gawd bless their little freaking hearts!
To get rid of a zit! Do you hear me? A zit!
Have you ever seen the commercials on tv that talk about the advantages of certain misc. drugs like allery medications and cold meds?
While I was attempting to nap a moment ago, I had the tv on, trying to fall asleep to it, and heard this faintly in the background:
Blah blah blah ... if you have SEVERE PROBLEM ACNE ... blah blah blah ... ASK YOUR DR. IF ... blah blah blah ... some side effects may be:
... Difficulty breathing; closing of your throat; swelling of your lips, face, or tongue; hives, hallucinations, abnormal behavior, or severe confusion, headache, drowsiness, dizziness, or clumsiness; nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, or constipation, depression, muscle aches or pains; vivid or abnormal dreams; memory loss ...
*PERK*
OMFG! just to get rid of a zit!!!!!?????
But wait! Hold the freaking phone cuz this is the best part:
... Soon after, a rash may appear - most often on your upper body or head. It may look like acne or dry skin. This is a common reaction. Your doctor may prescribe drugs to help heal the rash. If you do get a rash, do not stop taking the medication unless instructed to do so by your doctor.
Sweet Jeezus! Isn't this what the hell you were trying to avoid in the first place?????
So lemme get this straight ... I have acne right? ... and I wanna get rid of it so I take a medication that not ONLY can cause me to damn near go into cardiac arrest, fall down or bump into shyt after having nightmares, explode from an abnormal bowel movement and not even know who or where I am while i'm doing it and then probably shrivel up and die, BUT can also make me look 10 times worse than I started out?????
What the HELL are they thinking?! And then they say whatever you do, do NOT stop taking the drug cuz their gonna prescribe even MORE drugs when the bad stuff starts gawd bless their little freaking hearts!
To get rid of a zit! Do you hear me? A zit!
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
What a week!
Well, I am no longer pizza girl. yay! I got a new job over the weekend as a salesperson at a local department store. It's a relaxing gig, and less stress since I don't have to run machinery lol. I get a full 40 hour week too which is nice especially when bill paying time comes :)
But, my hours are so much different than what i've been working for the past few years ... I can no longer stay up to 6am and sleep until noon. Now I have to be in bed by midnight to be able to wake at 6am. What a drag! No more late night porn surfing for me! haha ... j/k, I don't surf porn ... anymore lol. Nooooo, i'm still kidding. I'm not a porn surfer lol. I have all the porn I need on my computer *giggling*.
Ok, so you can probably tell i'm in a goofy mood huh? That's from LACK OF SLEEP and running for 8 hours, all over a store that's about 10 freaking blocks long! Gawd this place is HUGE! But i'll get muscles and a strong daily workout from it :)
Ok, what else has been happening ... hmmm ... zip, nada, nothing but work I guess lol. Ok then, i'll take a nap for now and check back in wednesday afternoon (half day). Cya later!
But, my hours are so much different than what i've been working for the past few years ... I can no longer stay up to 6am and sleep until noon. Now I have to be in bed by midnight to be able to wake at 6am. What a drag! No more late night porn surfing for me! haha ... j/k, I don't surf porn ... anymore lol. Nooooo, i'm still kidding. I'm not a porn surfer lol. I have all the porn I need on my computer *giggling*.
Ok, so you can probably tell i'm in a goofy mood huh? That's from LACK OF SLEEP and running for 8 hours, all over a store that's about 10 freaking blocks long! Gawd this place is HUGE! But i'll get muscles and a strong daily workout from it :)
Ok, what else has been happening ... hmmm ... zip, nada, nothing but work I guess lol. Ok then, i'll take a nap for now and check back in wednesday afternoon (half day). Cya later!
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Pizza girl!
Makin' pizza again on thursday ... I guess somebody's gotta do it ...
Yep folks, i'm still on pizza duty at the store. hell I don't know if they'll ever let me back up front and on the register again after the incident with that damn floor buffer lol.
Did I tell y'all about that? *pans down* ... nope, I guess I didn't.
Well let me enlighten you *giggling* ...
See, at my store, the cashiers have to buff the floors before they close up at night. Well, "Mr. Buffer" is this huge piece of machinery that weighs twice as much as I do and is NOT user friendly. Just pulling it outta the back room is a challenge! Well, no one told me how to operate one of those damn things, so I plugged it in and fired that bad boy up ... holding onto it with both hands justa grippin' them handles like I was riding a souped up harley Davidson down Pacific Coast Hwy ... and when I did, that sucker took off spinning like it had no freaking shame!
Suddenly, I looked like a cross between a ninja and a ballerina cuz I was airborn just long enough for both of my feet to take out every item of merchandice on the entire grocery shelf lol.
THAT ordeal got me demoted to the dreaded hot food area of the store where they make pizza and that's where the incident with the pizza dough roller came in ...
Oh, I didn't tell ya about that one either? *giggling even more* ...
Ok, well, whilst in my new habitat and learning how to make pizza from scratch, I found even more equipment that I could get in trouble with lol. The pizza dough roller machine is a menace from hell I tell you. Ya have to be reallyyyyyyyyyyyy really careful not to get your hands to close to the 3 super-duper powerful stainless steel rollers or "SMOOSH!" ... they're flat as a pancake! Well, I was really really careful, making sure to stand a ways back when I plopped the dough in the top of the machine ...
Unfortunately ... upon being so careful, I didn't notice that the strap to my apron was now hanging down from around my neck and now directly in line with the 3 super-duper powerful stainless steel rollers, so when I turned the maniacal bastard on, it caught the strap and "FA-WING!" ... Suddenly I was being sucked into the pizza dough rolling machine! But, luckily ... the power cord was like RIGHT THERE so I was able to snatch the cord out off the wall and free myself before I ended up looking like quasimoto lol.
However ... apparently because the only thing I damn near damaged was myself that time, they're keeping me there lol. I actually kinda like it cuz i'm by myself all night and I can munch as I go along *perk* ... but maybe one day I can rejoin the humans in the front of the store ... probably only if "Mr. Buffer" isn't part of my job duties tho lol.
Yep folks, i'm still on pizza duty at the store. hell I don't know if they'll ever let me back up front and on the register again after the incident with that damn floor buffer lol.
Did I tell y'all about that? *pans down* ... nope, I guess I didn't.
Well let me enlighten you *giggling* ...
See, at my store, the cashiers have to buff the floors before they close up at night. Well, "Mr. Buffer" is this huge piece of machinery that weighs twice as much as I do and is NOT user friendly. Just pulling it outta the back room is a challenge! Well, no one told me how to operate one of those damn things, so I plugged it in and fired that bad boy up ... holding onto it with both hands justa grippin' them handles like I was riding a souped up harley Davidson down Pacific Coast Hwy ... and when I did, that sucker took off spinning like it had no freaking shame!
Suddenly, I looked like a cross between a ninja and a ballerina cuz I was airborn just long enough for both of my feet to take out every item of merchandice on the entire grocery shelf lol.
THAT ordeal got me demoted to the dreaded hot food area of the store where they make pizza and that's where the incident with the pizza dough roller came in ...
Oh, I didn't tell ya about that one either? *giggling even more* ...
Ok, well, whilst in my new habitat and learning how to make pizza from scratch, I found even more equipment that I could get in trouble with lol. The pizza dough roller machine is a menace from hell I tell you. Ya have to be reallyyyyyyyyyyyy really careful not to get your hands to close to the 3 super-duper powerful stainless steel rollers or "SMOOSH!" ... they're flat as a pancake! Well, I was really really careful, making sure to stand a ways back when I plopped the dough in the top of the machine ...
Unfortunately ... upon being so careful, I didn't notice that the strap to my apron was now hanging down from around my neck and now directly in line with the 3 super-duper powerful stainless steel rollers, so when I turned the maniacal bastard on, it caught the strap and "FA-WING!" ... Suddenly I was being sucked into the pizza dough rolling machine! But, luckily ... the power cord was like RIGHT THERE so I was able to snatch the cord out off the wall and free myself before I ended up looking like quasimoto lol.
However ... apparently because the only thing I damn near damaged was myself that time, they're keeping me there lol. I actually kinda like it cuz i'm by myself all night and I can munch as I go along *perk* ... but maybe one day I can rejoin the humans in the front of the store ... probably only if "Mr. Buffer" isn't part of my job duties tho lol.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Gigi needs & the movie about Curt Cobain
Ok, I finally did the "Gigi needs" thang ... and yep, I DO need all of these! Ok, well maybe NOT the EX-lax :)
Gigi needs a stern swatting.
Gigi needs no introduction.
Gigi needs a webmonkey.
Gigi needs some EX-lax.
Gigi needs to be fed.
Gigi needs a stiff drink.
Gigi needs to be paid.
Gigi needs A Loving Home.
Gigi needs to cope.
Gigi needs your help and support.
Gigi needs a Ride.
Gigi needs to be seen by a specialist.
Gigi needs something more, she will let us know.
I just watched the movie loosely based on the final days of Curt Cobain called "The Last Days" ... I should have left it at the video store.
I can't tell you how bad this movie was to me except to say that half way thru, I wanted to grab that freakin' shot gun and do myself in. I can be voyeristic but even then, if nothing interesting is happening, i'm gonna stop looking ok? This was like the director decided that even tho nothing happened 2 days prior to Cobains death other than eating, sleeping and shitting, he was gonna make a 2 hour movie about it come hell or high water.
Scene after scene the camera man, urged to do so by director Gus Van Zandt no doubt so i'm not gonna blame that poor sap ... stayed focused on useless visuals like bushes, a window, a trail, the main character walking endlessly ... for up to what seemed like 3-4 minutes! I could have taken a shower, grabbed something to eat and by the time I got back the scene wouldn't have changed.
Then, there were recycled scenes where they showed the same scene twice within 10 minutes, but the second time around they'd add like a 2 more lines! I could see if the 2 more lines added to the story somehow, but it didn't, so that had me going bonkers.
"Blake", Curts character mumbled the whole movie in a schitzophrenic kinda way, leaving you actually trying to understand what the hell he was saying ... which kinda scared me at some point cuz I thought that maybe now I was going crazy because I needed to understand him lol.
There was a character that disappeared in the middle of the movie never to show up at the end with no explaination as to where she went, there was a character that just showed up outta nowhere with no explaination as to who they were, and I watched Blake make himself food 3 times with no relevent reason why ... unbelievable.
What was really disappointing was the fact that the long awaited scene, his death, was never shown except to see a glimps of his feet thru a glass door as seen thru the eyes of the gardener. There was nothing leading up to that scene either. It just went from one scene somewhere else, to seeing his feet in the next, and for anyone who doesn't already know his demise, you would have never guessed that's what just happened. Especially considering half the movie he was passed out on the floor somewhere anyways.
So fair warning. Do NOT rent this movie unless you're having trouble sleeping. I even nodded off a few times while waiting for the scenes to change lol.
My b/f ... however kinda liked it. *raising an eyebrow* ... he said "it was better than a chick flick or sappy love story" lol.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
The 69 position, my disturbed grandchild.
Ok fair warning, i'm in the mood to talk. So get some coffee, soda, a bloody mary or whatever your poison is and have a seat cuz this is gonna be lengthy.
First off ... Earlier I was in my MSN group. Stacey, a colorful character from Australia, posted a discussion about her recent trip to Maffra and whenever there was an opportunity to use a number, she chose the number 69. She does this all the time; "I waited 69 hours to talk to the mate and crikey, he never called back!".
After that I was sitting in Paltalk, a chat client where you have rooms much like yahoo but you have voice and cams also. Anyhow, I have been a regular fixture there for over 6 years and how I never noticed this before is beyond me, but tonight about 4 people all used the number 69 in various ways to express themselves; "If you're a male, cam up or get on the mic or you'll get a 69 out the door!", "press 69 if you wanna see my cam", " baby, I can listen to you talk for 69 hours!".
Now, I know they're all refering to the sex position called a 69. What I don't know is why the intrigue in this position? This totally elludes me. Maybe it's selfish, but when it comes to me, I want ones undivided attention. Is that so wierd? I can not enjoy the symphony if I have to play the tuba down the hall. Not that I don't like playing the tuba mind you ... but when you're playing one song and he's playing a different one at the same time, you can lose the rhythm so to speak.
And why any man would want this is beyond me. Does one really want 2 rows of razor sharp teeth on your family jewels when you're about to give your woman the best earth shattering, mind blowing wing-ding of her entire life? Picture this if you will; your workin' it ... in your mind your saying "honey, i'm about to rock your world!" ... then just as she starts to exibit the reason she thinks you are "the man", her jaws clamp shut and you're head leaves a permenent gash in the head board. Stop with the 69 will ya!!!!! Pick another number, like 42 ... hell I don't know ...
My grand daughter. I think she's psycho. Haily, who I call "Moochie" is 4 years old and has begun to either develope an imagination, as kids will do, or, she has lost her freaking mind.
She tells me tonight on the phone, that she is being followed and threatened by "The Inky Pinky Spirits". Her mother (my daughter Lisa) tells me that Moochie is standing in the middle of the living room with a pot on her head, a scarf around her neck and wielding a spatula. So I tell Lisa to put Moochie on the phone:
This is where I tell Lisa to watch her back and that her daughter needs therapy. Actually, I believe her imagination comes from her parents letting her watch R rated movies all the time ... but therapy couldn't hurt at this point.
First off ... Earlier I was in my MSN group. Stacey, a colorful character from Australia, posted a discussion about her recent trip to Maffra and whenever there was an opportunity to use a number, she chose the number 69. She does this all the time; "I waited 69 hours to talk to the mate and crikey, he never called back!".
After that I was sitting in Paltalk, a chat client where you have rooms much like yahoo but you have voice and cams also. Anyhow, I have been a regular fixture there for over 6 years and how I never noticed this before is beyond me, but tonight about 4 people all used the number 69 in various ways to express themselves; "If you're a male, cam up or get on the mic or you'll get a 69 out the door!", "press 69 if you wanna see my cam", " baby, I can listen to you talk for 69 hours!".
Now, I know they're all refering to the sex position called a 69. What I don't know is why the intrigue in this position? This totally elludes me. Maybe it's selfish, but when it comes to me, I want ones undivided attention. Is that so wierd? I can not enjoy the symphony if I have to play the tuba down the hall. Not that I don't like playing the tuba mind you ... but when you're playing one song and he's playing a different one at the same time, you can lose the rhythm so to speak.
And why any man would want this is beyond me. Does one really want 2 rows of razor sharp teeth on your family jewels when you're about to give your woman the best earth shattering, mind blowing wing-ding of her entire life? Picture this if you will; your workin' it ... in your mind your saying "honey, i'm about to rock your world!" ... then just as she starts to exibit the reason she thinks you are "the man", her jaws clamp shut and you're head leaves a permenent gash in the head board. Stop with the 69 will ya!!!!! Pick another number, like 42 ... hell I don't know ...
My grand daughter. I think she's psycho. Haily, who I call "Moochie" is 4 years old and has begun to either develope an imagination, as kids will do, or, she has lost her freaking mind.
She tells me tonight on the phone, that she is being followed and threatened by "The Inky Pinky Spirits". Her mother (my daughter Lisa) tells me that Moochie is standing in the middle of the living room with a pot on her head, a scarf around her neck and wielding a spatula. So I tell Lisa to put Moochie on the phone:
Me: "Moochie, what are you doing?"
Moochie: "I waiting! The Inky Pinky Spirits are comin' to get me!"
Me: "Who the hec are The Inky Pinky Spirits?"
Moochie: They are the BIG spirits with fur on their hats and green teeth, and they're trying to get me to do stuff!"
Me: What are they trying to get you to do?"
Moochie: They want me to mess up my room and stab my mommy in her sleep!"
Me: Complete silence.
Moochie: "Do you know them?"
Me: "No Moochie, I don't know them, but why do you think they want you to stab your mommy in her sleep?"
Moochie: "Cuz, cuz, cuz ... my mom ... my mom won't let me call Auntie Leah in Ohio!"
Me: "But Moochie, didn't you tell The Inky Pinky Spirits that Auntie Leah doesn't have a phone?????"
Moochie: "Yessssss! *sound of annoyance on the other end* But they said she probably has a cell phone!"
Me: *Shaking head* ...
Moochie: "You wanna hear what they made me say?"
Me: "Sure, why not ..."
Moochie: "Me, Hailey Elizabeth Zamora who is going to kendygarden next time after the bus comes to my house, says I have honor and justice for all to The Inky Pinky Spirits hallelujah!"
Me: "Moochie, let me talk to your mother please ..."
Moochie: "I waiting! The Inky Pinky Spirits are comin' to get me!"
Me: "Who the hec are The Inky Pinky Spirits?"
Moochie: They are the BIG spirits with fur on their hats and green teeth, and they're trying to get me to do stuff!"
Me: What are they trying to get you to do?"
Moochie: They want me to mess up my room and stab my mommy in her sleep!"
Me: Complete silence.
Moochie: "Do you know them?"
Me: "No Moochie, I don't know them, but why do you think they want you to stab your mommy in her sleep?"
Moochie: "Cuz, cuz, cuz ... my mom ... my mom won't let me call Auntie Leah in Ohio!"
Me: "But Moochie, didn't you tell The Inky Pinky Spirits that Auntie Leah doesn't have a phone?????"
Moochie: "Yessssss! *sound of annoyance on the other end* But they said she probably has a cell phone!"
Me: *Shaking head* ...
Moochie: "You wanna hear what they made me say?"
Me: "Sure, why not ..."
Moochie: "Me, Hailey Elizabeth Zamora who is going to kendygarden next time after the bus comes to my house, says I have honor and justice for all to The Inky Pinky Spirits hallelujah!"
Me: "Moochie, let me talk to your mother please ..."
This is where I tell Lisa to watch her back and that her daughter needs therapy. Actually, I believe her imagination comes from her parents letting her watch R rated movies all the time ... but therapy couldn't hurt at this point.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Sung to the tune of "Hello Dolly"
Hello, deli ...this is Joe, deli
would you please send up a nice corned beef on rye?
A turkey leg ... deli
hard boiled eggs ... deli
some roast beef and a sliver of your pie.
A box of ritz ... deli
and some swiss ... deli
sliced tomatos and potaoes you french fry ...
(Ok, big finish now, this is where ya stand up and kick your legs like a rockette ...)
Oh please, don't be late deli.
cuz I just can't wait, deli.
Deli with out breakfast i'll ...
Deli with out breakfast i'll ...
Deli with out breakfast i'll just die!
would you please send up a nice corned beef on rye?
A turkey leg ... deli
hard boiled eggs ... deli
some roast beef and a sliver of your pie.
A box of ritz ... deli
and some swiss ... deli
sliced tomatos and potaoes you french fry ...
(Ok, big finish now, this is where ya stand up and kick your legs like a rockette ...)
Oh please, don't be late deli.
cuz I just can't wait, deli.
Deli with out breakfast i'll ...
Deli with out breakfast i'll ...
Deli with out breakfast i'll just die!
On a hot summer night ...
... would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?Will he offer me his mouth?
Yes!
Will he offer me his teeth?
Yes!
Will he offer me his jaws?
Yes!
Will he offer me his hunger?
Yes!
Again, will he offer me his hunger?
Yes!
And will he starve without me?
Yes!
And does he love me?
Yes!
On a hot summer night would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?
Yes!
I bet you say that to all the boys ...
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Complete The Sentence
I copied this from Bsoholic's site ... thnx! This was fun :)
1) My uncle once: ... declared his name was "Wolf" and howled for 20 minutes in front of a convenience store. (He later checked into a clinic).
2) Never again in my life: ... will I date a guy who says "but I don't do that any more".
3) When I was five: ... I hated Santa Clause. I didn't trust a guy who had to wait until I was asleep to give me pleasure.
4) High School was: ... only 2 blocks from the mall!
5) I will never forget: ... the phone number we had when I was a child. Why? When I can't even remember my work number? ... I have no clue.
6) I once met: ... a man from nantuckit ...
7) There's this girl I know who: ... loves crazy daisies ...
8) Once, at a bar: ... I got threatened by a group of bikers for playing "Love Hurts" over 10 times in a row.
9) By noon I'm usually: ... curled up to by b/f ... fast asleep.
10) Last night I: ... played a stupid virtual game and dunked myself 5 times.
11) If I had only: ... drank soda instead of tequilla.
12) Next time I go to church: ... I won't sit next to the lady with 4 kids who all have colds and can't seem to sit still for one minute and giggle every time the pastor says the word "hell".
13) What worries me most: ... is will I ever find a pair of wallabey's, size 5, at an affordable price?
14) When I turn my head right, I see: ... my b/f at his computer.
15) When I turn my head left, I see: ... my robe hanging over the back of my chair.
16) You know I'm lying when: ... I say "ok, ok, I can't freaking lie damnit! ..."
17) You know what I miss most about the eighties: The convenience of alcholol induced memory loss.
18) If I was a character written by Shakespeare, I'd be: Desdemona, Because I could always relate to this line: "Good night, good night/Heaven me such uses send/Not to pick bad from bad, but by bad mend!" ... which translates to: I pray that the poor way in which I have been treated will teach me, not to hate or seek revenge, but to forgive and improve upon my own faults.
19) By this time, next year: ... I will be living comfortably.
20) A better name for me would be: Lucy Ricardo
21) I have a hard time understanding: ... why sin^2(x) + cos^2(x) = 1.
22) If I ever go back to school I'll: ... become a butt doctor.
23) You know I like you if: ... I don't roll my eyes 5 minutes into our conversation.
24) If I won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: ... me. I did the work! Why NOT?!
25) Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferarro are: ... not part of my everyday volcabulary. Ok, well maybe Darwin but ...
26) Take my advice, never: ... take a huge drag of a borrowed cigarette until you have checked FIRST to see if it's a menthol!
27) My ideal breakfast is: ... one cooked by Denny's!
28) A song I love, but do not have is: ... the one on Bricotout's site that I can't seem to find!
29) If you visit my hometown, I suggest: ... you bring a book.
30) Why won't anyone: ... give me a shit-load of money?
31) If you spend the night at my house, DO: ... the dishes, vacumm, the laundry ...
32) I'd stop my wedding for: ... a cigarette if I hadn't had one in 30 minutes.
33) The world could do without: ... stupid stuff that hangs from your rear view mirror.
34) I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: ... be forced to converse with a crack head.
35) My favorite blonde is: ... dagwoods wife.
36) Paperclips are more useful than: ... any weapon imaginable if used with a rubber band.
37) San Diego means: ... that The Los Angeles Lakers will face the Charlotte Bobcats in an exhibition game on Sunday!
38) And by the way: ... take care :)
1) My uncle once: ... declared his name was "Wolf" and howled for 20 minutes in front of a convenience store. (He later checked into a clinic).
2) Never again in my life: ... will I date a guy who says "but I don't do that any more".
3) When I was five: ... I hated Santa Clause. I didn't trust a guy who had to wait until I was asleep to give me pleasure.
4) High School was: ... only 2 blocks from the mall!
5) I will never forget: ... the phone number we had when I was a child. Why? When I can't even remember my work number? ... I have no clue.
6) I once met: ... a man from nantuckit ...
7) There's this girl I know who: ... loves crazy daisies ...
8) Once, at a bar: ... I got threatened by a group of bikers for playing "Love Hurts" over 10 times in a row.
9) By noon I'm usually: ... curled up to by b/f ... fast asleep.
10) Last night I: ... played a stupid virtual game and dunked myself 5 times.
11) If I had only: ... drank soda instead of tequilla.
12) Next time I go to church: ... I won't sit next to the lady with 4 kids who all have colds and can't seem to sit still for one minute and giggle every time the pastor says the word "hell".
13) What worries me most: ... is will I ever find a pair of wallabey's, size 5, at an affordable price?
14) When I turn my head right, I see: ... my b/f at his computer.
15) When I turn my head left, I see: ... my robe hanging over the back of my chair.
16) You know I'm lying when: ... I say "ok, ok, I can't freaking lie damnit! ..."
17) You know what I miss most about the eighties: The convenience of alcholol induced memory loss.
18) If I was a character written by Shakespeare, I'd be: Desdemona, Because I could always relate to this line: "Good night, good night/Heaven me such uses send/Not to pick bad from bad, but by bad mend!" ... which translates to: I pray that the poor way in which I have been treated will teach me, not to hate or seek revenge, but to forgive and improve upon my own faults.
19) By this time, next year: ... I will be living comfortably.
20) A better name for me would be: Lucy Ricardo
21) I have a hard time understanding: ... why sin^2(x) + cos^2(x) = 1.
22) If I ever go back to school I'll: ... become a butt doctor.
23) You know I like you if: ... I don't roll my eyes 5 minutes into our conversation.
24) If I won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: ... me. I did the work! Why NOT?!
25) Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferarro are: ... not part of my everyday volcabulary. Ok, well maybe Darwin but ...
26) Take my advice, never: ... take a huge drag of a borrowed cigarette until you have checked FIRST to see if it's a menthol!
27) My ideal breakfast is: ... one cooked by Denny's!
28) A song I love, but do not have is: ... the one on Bricotout's site that I can't seem to find!
29) If you visit my hometown, I suggest: ... you bring a book.
30) Why won't anyone: ... give me a shit-load of money?
31) If you spend the night at my house, DO: ... the dishes, vacumm, the laundry ...
32) I'd stop my wedding for: ... a cigarette if I hadn't had one in 30 minutes.
33) The world could do without: ... stupid stuff that hangs from your rear view mirror.
34) I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: ... be forced to converse with a crack head.
35) My favorite blonde is: ... dagwoods wife.
36) Paperclips are more useful than: ... any weapon imaginable if used with a rubber band.
37) San Diego means: ... that The Los Angeles Lakers will face the Charlotte Bobcats in an exhibition game on Sunday!
38) And by the way: ... take care :)
Saturday, October 22, 2005
This is what my job does to me ...
Today sucked so badly that I actually not only clicked on the freaking link, but followed thru with playing one of those annoying interactive flash games that was sent to me by one of my friends in my email that NORMALLY I would immediately delete. This winner was called "Dunk A Friend" ... or something similar to that, maybe "The Dunk Tank", I dunno.Anyhow, the first step is to create the "dunkee" ... which I decided would be ...
<----- myself because i'm feeling self destructive today since I chose to work where I work and felt all day like kicking myself in the ass.
Then, after choosing a couple of important and extremely relevant details like hair and skin tone (this really matters when you're all wet and dressed like some nerd at summer camp), you have to hit the virtual target and dunk the dunkee in a water tank ... similar to those you see at the fair.
Now here's the bad part about this whole ordeal: I giggled. No, I didn't roll my eyes and X out of the page like I'd normally do, I giggled. I dunked myself ... even aiming at the target with real sniper-like persission, and giggled as I went crashing into the water. How freaking demented is that? And to make things worse, I did it 5 freaking times! All I have to say is, tomorrow better be better than today.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
It's my day off ...
... and i'm "Bo-bo the slave girl" again!
For anyone who doesn't know who "Bo-bo the slave girl" is: when I lose a bet with my significant other, the result is that i'm magically transformed into the alter-ego "Bo-bo" who, has to do whatever the winner of the bet bids (which would be him in this instance*rolling eyes*). This time, I have been informed that I have to fetch 5 rocks the size of his fist from the creek outside our bedroom porch ... I then have to condense this size of these 2 totes that I have that are full of junk, down to barely nothing ... and lord only knows what else he has in store for me but ... he leaves for the day in about 5 hours so hopefully, he won't think up anything else in the meantime (i'm holding my breath) lol. Needless to say, this will take up my WHOLE day off so that's why i'm blogging at 9am in the morning ... being Bo-bo SUCKS! I need to get better at winning bets *giggling* ...
For anyone who doesn't know who "Bo-bo the slave girl" is: when I lose a bet with my significant other, the result is that i'm magically transformed into the alter-ego "Bo-bo" who, has to do whatever the winner of the bet bids (which would be him in this instance*rolling eyes*). This time, I have been informed that I have to fetch 5 rocks the size of his fist from the creek outside our bedroom porch ... I then have to condense this size of these 2 totes that I have that are full of junk, down to barely nothing ... and lord only knows what else he has in store for me but ... he leaves for the day in about 5 hours so hopefully, he won't think up anything else in the meantime (i'm holding my breath) lol. Needless to say, this will take up my WHOLE day off so that's why i'm blogging at 9am in the morning ... being Bo-bo SUCKS! I need to get better at winning bets *giggling* ...
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
And I thought today would be boring ...
Libra: (September 22 - October 22)
A huge red balloon will float by you today being pursued by a small person of the French persuasion and a film crew. If you wish to cause cross-cultural mirth, cross your eyes, talk in a high pitched voice, and whack yourself in the head with a baguette. Otherwise, don't.
Sex positions gone wrong
We've all tried them. I myself have dabbled in the "Kama Sutra" at times, we all have. But some times I hear of things that just totally amaze me. I know why we experiment ... but some things just go beyond my understanding lol.
A friend came by tonight, and among our many topics of conversation, her latest "romp" in the hay was detailed ... quite graphically I might add lol. That was cool but normally when one pictures a couple engaging in sex, it's not a vision that makes you roll on the floor laughing lol. She began by telling me her posture at the time: on her belly. His: straddling her thighs. Fine ... Sounds normal enough right? Well just wait ...
She says: "all of a sudden, totally out of the norm, he says "lift your legs". So she did. Now she's on her belly, calves and feet raised to the ceiling right? He then proceeds to grab both of her ankles in one arm, then reaches down with the other and grabs a chunk of hair ... not from the back of her head, but from the side!
Apparently this position was so gawd awful that she had to demonstrate, so she gets down on my carpet and proceeds to re-enact the ordeal lol.
There she was on my floor ... her body arched beyond belief and her head twisted to one side like she was trying to touch her ear with her toes. At this point I was picturing the side of her hair yanked back, with one eye pulled so tight that it looked like an over-done face lift lol. But it was her arms that had me cracking up ... straight out to both sides ... she looked like a sky diver in mid flight lol. To clinch my hysteria she added, "and he was going so fast!" lol.
Somewhere, in my fit of laughter I managed to ask her ... "did this actually do anything for you". She said "oh nooooo. I just waaaaaaited it out ..." lol. Sweet jeezus!
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Disasters in pubic shaving
My HNT pic is in the post below this one, but I wanted to make an attempt to make Plumpy feel better about her waxing ordeal so she'll know that she's not the ONLY one on the planet that has had to struggle with the concept, so, i'm gonna share my waxing story:
I use to work at a bait and tackle shop when I lived in Las Vegas. It was conveniently located near Lake Mead which is about the hottest place on the planet: a very laid back mom and pop shop, so casual that often times I wore my bikini while working.
Well the bosses wife "Patty" mentioned one day on how she wished she could wear a bikini rather than the skirted 2 piece swim suit that she usualy wore. Her husband Mark, my boss, had always wanted her to wear one but she cited "a rain forest in the nether regions" as the reason why she never had. I explained to her that I was a long time pro with a razor so that wasn't an issue for me, and asked her why she hadn't tried breaking out the old Bic? She explained that she had indeed tried it once, but it had given her a rash so bad that she couldn't cross her legs for a week!
Then one day, the afternoon of her and Marks 15th wedding anniversary, she walks into the shop ... bags in hand. She explains how they are going to celebrate later that evening with a luau at Lake Mead, and intends to suprise Mark with a ... (yanking her discovey from an Irma's Boutique bag) cute sparkley only-seen-in-Las Vegas style bikini complete with sequins and fringe! I laughed at her excitement, her enthusiasm was so cute, but then I asked her, "Hmmm, what about that lawn you've never mowed?" lol. That's when she whips out the contents of the other bag: A jar of hot wax!
*Blink*Blink* ... hot wax I asked her? That never really crossed my mind for myself, but if she wanted to use it then have at it! But then she explained that there was NO way she could do this on her own, and asked the "oh-so-delicate" favor of having me do it!
Hmmmm, well all of a sudden every scenario you could ever possibly imagine ran thru my mind. How? Where? When? ... I was NOT comfortable with this, but Patty was certain that this was the only way. UGH! I had no clue how to use hot wax, and experimenting for the first time on my bosses wife seemed risky, but she assured me it was a chance she was willing to take.
We decided that the bathroom would be the best place to carry out this endeavor, and as I waited on a few stray customers, she prepared our workspace.
So, I get in the bathroom and there's Patty, sprawled out on the toilet seat reading the directions one last time before she instructs me how to "do the deed" lol. "It's simple" she says ... "just dab some on an area. let it dry, then rip it off!". Simple ... uh, yeah, right ...
So I get down on the floor and i'm now staring directly into what looked like a human Chia Pet!
Where the hell do I begin?!!!! I look up at her, fear and reluctance showing on my face i'm sure, she rolls her eyes and explains what she wants: "A 3 inch stripe, from top to bottom, just like them porno girls have" lol. Wow, that makes my job easier *eye roll*. If you could only see this thing! There was NO WAY I could turn that bad-boy into something that looked like it belonged in porno Lol. Ok, but anyway, I was elected to at least try and try I must so as Patty gets comfortable, legs sprawled wide open and gripping the sink and the handicap bar on the side, I take a deep breath and begin.
I take my stance, almost confident that I could paint a perfectly straight bikini line with this little popcicle stick looking thingy and remember, this shits hot cuz it just came out of a microwave lol ... well the second that it touches her upper pubic area, Patty lets out a yell and jerks sasqwatch out of the way! *UGH!* Wax is now plastered from the top, and all down one hairy lip and drying rapidly as I look up at her biting the side of my lip and with an "ooops" look on my face!
Just then I hear the bell at the front door signaling me that I had a customer and Patty says all confident like, "go ahead, i'll peel it off while you're gone". Well, not knowing the big boo-boo I had made down there in furville, she started to peel every bit of wax that she could feel. Big mistake! When I got back, her vagina had a doo that resembled something Cindy Lauper might have done to the side of her head! Well this is just great. Sure, the bikini will cover the mishap but remember, this is anniversary night! Mark's gonna take one look at his faithful friend and and think it has leprosy or something lol.
So ... the only thing I could do was convince her that BALD was the better way to go. At first she was reluctant but I told her "oh yea, men like 'em better that way .." and she finally relented lol. Unfortunately, from all the waxing and peeling and pulling and ripping, she ended up with something that reminded me of a baboons butt, so ... anniversary night didn't go as well as planned. I however ... ended up with the bikini Lol.
I use to work at a bait and tackle shop when I lived in Las Vegas. It was conveniently located near Lake Mead which is about the hottest place on the planet: a very laid back mom and pop shop, so casual that often times I wore my bikini while working.
Well the bosses wife "Patty" mentioned one day on how she wished she could wear a bikini rather than the skirted 2 piece swim suit that she usualy wore. Her husband Mark, my boss, had always wanted her to wear one but she cited "a rain forest in the nether regions" as the reason why she never had. I explained to her that I was a long time pro with a razor so that wasn't an issue for me, and asked her why she hadn't tried breaking out the old Bic? She explained that she had indeed tried it once, but it had given her a rash so bad that she couldn't cross her legs for a week!
Then one day, the afternoon of her and Marks 15th wedding anniversary, she walks into the shop ... bags in hand. She explains how they are going to celebrate later that evening with a luau at Lake Mead, and intends to suprise Mark with a ... (yanking her discovey from an Irma's Boutique bag) cute sparkley only-seen-in-Las Vegas style bikini complete with sequins and fringe! I laughed at her excitement, her enthusiasm was so cute, but then I asked her, "Hmmm, what about that lawn you've never mowed?" lol. That's when she whips out the contents of the other bag: A jar of hot wax!
*Blink*Blink* ... hot wax I asked her? That never really crossed my mind for myself, but if she wanted to use it then have at it! But then she explained that there was NO way she could do this on her own, and asked the "oh-so-delicate" favor of having me do it!
Hmmmm, well all of a sudden every scenario you could ever possibly imagine ran thru my mind. How? Where? When? ... I was NOT comfortable with this, but Patty was certain that this was the only way. UGH! I had no clue how to use hot wax, and experimenting for the first time on my bosses wife seemed risky, but she assured me it was a chance she was willing to take.
We decided that the bathroom would be the best place to carry out this endeavor, and as I waited on a few stray customers, she prepared our workspace.
So, I get in the bathroom and there's Patty, sprawled out on the toilet seat reading the directions one last time before she instructs me how to "do the deed" lol. "It's simple" she says ... "just dab some on an area. let it dry, then rip it off!". Simple ... uh, yeah, right ...
So I get down on the floor and i'm now staring directly into what looked like a human Chia Pet!
Where the hell do I begin?!!!! I look up at her, fear and reluctance showing on my face i'm sure, she rolls her eyes and explains what she wants: "A 3 inch stripe, from top to bottom, just like them porno girls have" lol. Wow, that makes my job easier *eye roll*. If you could only see this thing! There was NO WAY I could turn that bad-boy into something that looked like it belonged in porno Lol. Ok, but anyway, I was elected to at least try and try I must so as Patty gets comfortable, legs sprawled wide open and gripping the sink and the handicap bar on the side, I take a deep breath and begin.
I take my stance, almost confident that I could paint a perfectly straight bikini line with this little popcicle stick looking thingy and remember, this shits hot cuz it just came out of a microwave lol ... well the second that it touches her upper pubic area, Patty lets out a yell and jerks sasqwatch out of the way! *UGH!* Wax is now plastered from the top, and all down one hairy lip and drying rapidly as I look up at her biting the side of my lip and with an "ooops" look on my face!
Just then I hear the bell at the front door signaling me that I had a customer and Patty says all confident like, "go ahead, i'll peel it off while you're gone". Well, not knowing the big boo-boo I had made down there in furville, she started to peel every bit of wax that she could feel. Big mistake! When I got back, her vagina had a doo that resembled something Cindy Lauper might have done to the side of her head! Well this is just great. Sure, the bikini will cover the mishap but remember, this is anniversary night! Mark's gonna take one look at his faithful friend and and think it has leprosy or something lol.
So ... the only thing I could do was convince her that BALD was the better way to go. At first she was reluctant but I told her "oh yea, men like 'em better that way .." and she finally relented lol. Unfortunately, from all the waxing and peeling and pulling and ripping, she ended up with something that reminded me of a baboons butt, so ... anniversary night didn't go as well as planned. I however ... ended up with the bikini Lol.
Friday, September 16, 2005
That freakin' 8 ball!
Did you ever fiddle with these things when you were young? When I was in my 20's I actually put a ton of faith in the ol' 8 ball, lol. Of course it's about as goofy as all get-out, and I know this now, but me and my friend Barb were kickin' back last week, talking about "guy stuff" and somehow or the other the subject of the 8 ball came up. So, I googled it (cuz that's just what I do lol) and I got this site that actually had an 8 ball that you could shake! So what the hell, we said, lets give it a go, I don't believe this stuff anyways lol. This is how the session went:
Barb: Does my man love me?
The ball: "It is certain"
*happy sigh from Barb*
Barb: Will we be together soon?
The ball: "Don't count on it"
*Suddenly the lip comes out*
Barb: Will he leave her?
The ball: "NO"
*whooops* that wasn't the answer
we were looking for lol.
The ball, now being shunned by Barb gets cast into my court. For lack of imagination, I recycle one of her questions:
Gigi: Ok, does mine love me?
The ball: "That's a secret"
*Blink*blink* ... a secret? Since when does the 8 ball keep secrets?! This is unfair! I want answer's if Barb gets answer's!
*thinks of typical questions and shakes the ball again* ...
Gigi: Does he really want me?
The Ball: "It is uncertain"
WTF! I know i'm not taking this seriously, but how come I get no answer's!!!!! This is a conspiracy!
By this time Barb is busting up ... *eye roll* ... sure ... laugh funny girl but this pisses me off! lol. No wonder I buried the one I had as a kid in the back yard!
Barb tries again ...
Barb: Will he call our date tonight off?
The ball: "My sources say yes"
Well before Barb could start to REALLY get hysterical her cell phone rings ... it's her man saying come on over lol.
We decided after this to say f**k the 8 ball.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Try having THIS stuck in your head all day.
Here's our jingle for Goldfish
we wrote a song for goldfish
the wholesome snack that smiles back
until you bite their heads off ...
See the fishes swimming
Oh look the pretzels' winning...
The SNACK that smiles back, Goldfish.
We call them Flavor Blasted cause they're blasted with more flavor
With taste that really lingers till you lick it off your fingers.
you know theyre made with real cheese ...
these baked but not fried fishies ...
The SNACK that smiles back, Goldfish
Your kids will love to eat 'em ...
So don't forget to feed 'em ...
The SNACK that smiles back, Goldfish.
we wrote a song for goldfish
the wholesome snack that smiles back
until you bite their heads off ...
See the fishes swimming
Oh look the pretzels' winning...
The SNACK that smiles back, Goldfish.
We call them Flavor Blasted cause they're blasted with more flavor
With taste that really lingers till you lick it off your fingers.
you know theyre made with real cheese ...
these baked but not fried fishies ...
The SNACK that smiles back, Goldfish
Your kids will love to eat 'em ...
So don't forget to feed 'em ...
The SNACK that smiles back, Goldfish.
Dogs ... it's an adventure
So my boyfriends boss went out of state for a few days to attend a relatives funeral and asked him to care for her dogs whilst the family is gone. One is a petite white female who's breed escapes me at the moment, her name is Kira, the other one is this huge white fluffy horse-like critter named Benjamin. Benjamin *shaking head* ... when on his hind legs, he could easily be ones partner at a Gean Kelly dance marathon; cute as all get-out, with a look on his face that says if HE had a blog, all of the entries would read:
So anyhow, I go with my b/f to give the dogs a potty break. Now, the dogs have been residing in a very large bathroom with all typical comforts and necessities awarded to them, but nonetheless, this porcelain wonderland is NOT their usual domain ... so when the door to their vacation getaway was opened; that's when the fun began lol. He took them outside to do "the deed" which was easy enough, I, waiting inside so as not to distract them.
Soon I hear a tapping at the door. I go to see what's up and there's Kira! Now remember, Kira's a female so obviously socializing was HER priority upon her temporary release, not a potty break, so after she checked the "when, where's and whys" of the neighborhood denizen, she was ready to come back in.
Benjamin soon followed and this is where the fun begins lol. It was time to get them BACK into their Holiday Inn but this was to be no easy task. Kira was rather compliant, game for anything, she did as she was told; sacheting into the room, head held high, with an "I don't mind, I have nothing better to do anyway" look on her face.
Benjamin on the other hand decided that the livingroom would be a more suitable place for him to reside for the duration ... matter-of-factly "plopping" himself down on the carpet *tongue hanging out* with an "OK, i'm all set, you 2 can go now" look lol.
Well of course that wasn't the plan and my b/f is ALL about sticking to the plan so ... the battle was on. This is the dialog as I heard it as spoken by my b/f:
"Come on Benjamin ..."
"Benjamin, come on boy ..."
"Benjamin ... lets go ...
"Benjamin! ..." etc, etc, etc ...
Benjamim of course would look the other way at hearing this and when confronted, appeared as tho to say 'I'm sorry, were you speaking to me?" Soon, Benjamin began to taunt us. He would walk around the house fully knowing we would follow him, teasing us as tho to whisper under his breath: "watch them follow me over ... here ... and ... now over ... here ... and lets see if they'll go ... here ..." lol. He even would walk right up to the intended door giving us the false hope of compliance, and then turn and walk away ... casually plopping once again onto the carpet.
Eventually however, we corraled him in between rooms, me holding the door closed so he couldn't escape, with my b/f and Benjamin on the other side. From the hallway I could hear once again:
"Come on Benjamin ..."
"Benjamin, come on boy ..."
"Benjamin ... lets go ...
"Benjamin! ..." etc, etc, etc ...
Then finally, I hear a door shut. It is done! The coaxing, prodding and tugging by my "Canine Warrior" paid off, and Benjamin was reunited with Kira in their home away from home. He then imerged from the room with the victorious look of "ain't no big thang" on his face and a new plan in the ready.
The routine indeed became a lot easier later on last night, but it made me realize just how funny dogs can be. Thank gawd we have a cat! lol.
Day 345: OH BOY! FOOD!
Day 346: OH BOY! A CAR RIDE!
Day 347: OH BOY! A WALK!
Day 358: OH BOY! FOOD!
Day 349: OH BOY! IT'S THE KIDS!
Day 350: OH BOY! THE YARD!
Day 351: OH BOY! FOOD!
Day 352: OH BOY! IT'S MOM & DAD!
Day 346: OH BOY! A CAR RIDE!
Day 347: OH BOY! A WALK!
Day 358: OH BOY! FOOD!
Day 349: OH BOY! IT'S THE KIDS!
Day 350: OH BOY! THE YARD!
Day 351: OH BOY! FOOD!
Day 352: OH BOY! IT'S MOM & DAD!
So anyhow, I go with my b/f to give the dogs a potty break. Now, the dogs have been residing in a very large bathroom with all typical comforts and necessities awarded to them, but nonetheless, this porcelain wonderland is NOT their usual domain ... so when the door to their vacation getaway was opened; that's when the fun began lol. He took them outside to do "the deed" which was easy enough, I, waiting inside so as not to distract them.
Soon I hear a tapping at the door. I go to see what's up and there's Kira! Now remember, Kira's a female so obviously socializing was HER priority upon her temporary release, not a potty break, so after she checked the "when, where's and whys" of the neighborhood denizen, she was ready to come back in.
Benjamin soon followed and this is where the fun begins lol. It was time to get them BACK into their Holiday Inn but this was to be no easy task. Kira was rather compliant, game for anything, she did as she was told; sacheting into the room, head held high, with an "I don't mind, I have nothing better to do anyway" look on her face.
Benjamin on the other hand decided that the livingroom would be a more suitable place for him to reside for the duration ... matter-of-factly "plopping" himself down on the carpet *tongue hanging out* with an "OK, i'm all set, you 2 can go now" look lol.
Well of course that wasn't the plan and my b/f is ALL about sticking to the plan so ... the battle was on. This is the dialog as I heard it as spoken by my b/f:
"Come on Benjamin ..."
"Benjamin, come on boy ..."
"Benjamin ... lets go ...
"Benjamin! ..." etc, etc, etc ...
Benjamim of course would look the other way at hearing this and when confronted, appeared as tho to say 'I'm sorry, were you speaking to me?" Soon, Benjamin began to taunt us. He would walk around the house fully knowing we would follow him, teasing us as tho to whisper under his breath: "watch them follow me over ... here ... and ... now over ... here ... and lets see if they'll go ... here ..." lol. He even would walk right up to the intended door giving us the false hope of compliance, and then turn and walk away ... casually plopping once again onto the carpet.
Eventually however, we corraled him in between rooms, me holding the door closed so he couldn't escape, with my b/f and Benjamin on the other side. From the hallway I could hear once again:
"Come on Benjamin ..."
"Benjamin, come on boy ..."
"Benjamin ... lets go ...
"Benjamin! ..." etc, etc, etc ...
Then finally, I hear a door shut. It is done! The coaxing, prodding and tugging by my "Canine Warrior" paid off, and Benjamin was reunited with Kira in their home away from home. He then imerged from the room with the victorious look of "ain't no big thang" on his face and a new plan in the ready.
The routine indeed became a lot easier later on last night, but it made me realize just how funny dogs can be. Thank gawd we have a cat! lol.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Sing Along With The TV Sunday!
Every Sunday i'm gonna post the lyrics to an old, eh, maybe new TV show, to either jog your memory and put a recoletive smile on your face, or simply just to give you a moment to look really goofy sitting in front of your computer singing something like "We're Animaniacs ..."
Ok here goes, first Sing-along-Sunday tune is:
The Beverley Hillbillies
Come and listen to a story about a man named Jed
A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed,
Then one day he was shootin at some food,
And up through the ground came a bubblin crude.
Oil that is, black gold, Texas tea.
Well the first thing you know ol Jed's a millionaire,
Kinfolk said "Jed move away from there"
Said "Californy is the place you ought to be"
So they loaded up the truck and moved to Beverly.
Hills, that is. Swimmin pools, movie stars.
Well now its time to say good by to Jed and all his kin.
And they would like to thank you folks fer kindly droppin in.
You're all invited back a gain to this locality
To have a heapin helpin of their hospitality
Hillybilly that is. Set a spell, Take your shoes off.
Y'all come back now, y'hear?.
Ok here goes, first Sing-along-Sunday tune is:
The Beverley Hillbillies
Come and listen to a story about a man named Jed
A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed,
Then one day he was shootin at some food,
And up through the ground came a bubblin crude.
Oil that is, black gold, Texas tea.
Well the first thing you know ol Jed's a millionaire,
Kinfolk said "Jed move away from there"
Said "Californy is the place you ought to be"
So they loaded up the truck and moved to Beverly.
Hills, that is. Swimmin pools, movie stars.
Well now its time to say good by to Jed and all his kin.
And they would like to thank you folks fer kindly droppin in.
You're all invited back a gain to this locality
To have a heapin helpin of their hospitality
Hillybilly that is. Set a spell, Take your shoes off.
Y'all come back now, y'hear?.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
My Humorscope for 9/7
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today you will find a really big piece of lint in your pocket.
That's it, though, for today's excitement.
That's it, though, for today's excitement.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
What's your super hero identity?
Mine for today is:
Your Superhero Identity For Today Is:
Secret Identity: Mz. Brown
Special Power: Magnetic Pinch
Transportation: Quantum Chopper
Weapon: Photon Cutlass
Costume: Alligator Mask
Sidekick: "Odd Job"
Nemesis: Melvin the Black
Tragic Flaw: Fear of cracks
Favorite Food: Salad
Now go get yours HERE and come back and share them :)
My humorscope for today ...
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today will be a complete waste of time. You will at least learn to spell "equaminity." ... er ... " equanimbity"... no ... hmmm. You will learn to spell a word like that, today.
How odd ...
I saw today that Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist, who passed away a few days ago, shared the same birthday as myself. Then I remembered how my name means "judge". Hmm ... He was a lone dissenter: always opposing the majority. That's me. We shared a wry sense of humor as well.He once modified his basic black judicial robe by adding four gold stripes to each sleeve, copying the costume worn by the Lord Chancellor in a local production of the operetta "Iolanthe". And I have been known to wear crazy hats just to be different. Yep ... there's something to this I just know it ...
Monday, September 05, 2005
The Liberation Of Aging
You know, if you think about it, getting older has some perks that people don't realize. Now I don't necessarily consider my self "old" by any stretch of the word, but aging nonetheless. I'm in my mid 40's and i've come to realize that it's not so bad. For a lot of women however the endless struggle to maintain a youthful appearance can be a major pain in the ass, yet it's a chore they're willing to undertake every day and for some, at great expense.
As for my self, I believe it's a time of liberation. A time when you can finally be yourself. It's expected of you to have a few wrinkles, so why bother to plaster a ton of make up all over your face ... it's expected of you to gain a few pounds in the ass, so why bother to buy jeans that you have to lay on the bed just to zip up ... viva la liberacion I say!
Let me tell you a story ...
My son-in-laws brother came over to visit one day a couple of years back. This was the first time I had met him and when we were introduced, he says "omg! you're Lisa's mom? You don’t look old enough to be Lisa's mother let alone a grandmother!" It was a very nice compliment but as I rolled my eyes I thought, had he seen me an hour earlier he might have thought I was Mother Theresa's mother, lol.
A while after that, my daughter’s mother-in-law came by to drop my 5-year-old grand daughter off from school. The woman is 59 and has had so many plastic surgeries that she looks like a cross between The Joker, Michael Jackson and Howdy Doody. She was wearing a classic from the Brittany Spears/Barbie collection, which one exactly I’m not really sure because all my eyes really caught was her old lady bellybutton below her crop top, and I swear to you ... as she giggled and bounced around like a middle aged teenybopper, I had visions of her store bought boobs plopping up and smacking her dead in her ghastly looking over-stretched face causing her cheeks to burst open, splattering blood everywhere.
That’s when I went back to my room and sat down and wondered why? Why in the hell is it so wrong to grow older? Why is it mandatory to try so hard to be something your not? Why do people feel the need to give me fancy lingerie when all I really want is my tattered old flannel boxers? What’s WRONG with being comfortable I say? Well my daughters will tell you with their know-it-all smug faces "flannel is for old people, you'll feel "younger" if you wear something sexy" ... Just how young do I need to feel when I’m going to sleep? And why do I bother to take 30 minutes out of my day to put on make up when all I really want to do it wash my face and go? Well again, they will say " don’t you like it when people tell you how great you look for your age?" ... I couldn’t care less! Here's how I see it ... how in the hell are the doctors gonna know if your skin color is ok when your wheeled into the emergency room after a stroke, when your face is plastered in cover-up and blush? And why oh WHY pray tell would a person who already has 1 foot in the grave, eats every fried food imaginable to mankind, and smokes like a chimney, spend 20,000.00 to totally re-construct their looks when you know damn good and well it isn’t going to stop you from dying any earlier? Why? To get fleeting compliments from people that you don’t even know and will probably never see again? Who the hell cares.
So now I’m thinking, how dare they try to take my age away from me! I'm supposed to have wrinkles and be a little heavier ... and if not for middle age, who in the hell would Sears sell all those over-stocked moo-moo's to? Enjoy your youth I tell them now, as I did mine and leave me to the comforts of older age that I have worked hard for! Do you really think that a baby doll nightie is gonna make me feel good about myself when all it shows is that my ass has fallen so low that it now lives in the same zip code as the back of my thighs? I am supposed to have crows feet, laugh lines and gray hairs ... that’s what keeps your damn boyfriends from hitting on me all the time! And last but not least, why in the name of sweet Jeezus would I want to spend my up and coming golden years having to lay on my back every night because I’m scared of rupturing the SAME boobs that for the past 30 years i've been try to move out of my freaking way just so I can sleep? I'm telling you, this is a conspiracy! There is nothing wrong with growing older ... *putting my feet up feeling a sense of new-found freedom" ... I'm gonna like this shit.
As for my self, I believe it's a time of liberation. A time when you can finally be yourself. It's expected of you to have a few wrinkles, so why bother to plaster a ton of make up all over your face ... it's expected of you to gain a few pounds in the ass, so why bother to buy jeans that you have to lay on the bed just to zip up ... viva la liberacion I say!
Let me tell you a story ...
My son-in-laws brother came over to visit one day a couple of years back. This was the first time I had met him and when we were introduced, he says "omg! you're Lisa's mom? You don’t look old enough to be Lisa's mother let alone a grandmother!" It was a very nice compliment but as I rolled my eyes I thought, had he seen me an hour earlier he might have thought I was Mother Theresa's mother, lol.
A while after that, my daughter’s mother-in-law came by to drop my 5-year-old grand daughter off from school. The woman is 59 and has had so many plastic surgeries that she looks like a cross between The Joker, Michael Jackson and Howdy Doody. She was wearing a classic from the Brittany Spears/Barbie collection, which one exactly I’m not really sure because all my eyes really caught was her old lady bellybutton below her crop top, and I swear to you ... as she giggled and bounced around like a middle aged teenybopper, I had visions of her store bought boobs plopping up and smacking her dead in her ghastly looking over-stretched face causing her cheeks to burst open, splattering blood everywhere.
That’s when I went back to my room and sat down and wondered why? Why in the hell is it so wrong to grow older? Why is it mandatory to try so hard to be something your not? Why do people feel the need to give me fancy lingerie when all I really want is my tattered old flannel boxers? What’s WRONG with being comfortable I say? Well my daughters will tell you with their know-it-all smug faces "flannel is for old people, you'll feel "younger" if you wear something sexy" ... Just how young do I need to feel when I’m going to sleep? And why do I bother to take 30 minutes out of my day to put on make up when all I really want to do it wash my face and go? Well again, they will say " don’t you like it when people tell you how great you look for your age?" ... I couldn’t care less! Here's how I see it ... how in the hell are the doctors gonna know if your skin color is ok when your wheeled into the emergency room after a stroke, when your face is plastered in cover-up and blush? And why oh WHY pray tell would a person who already has 1 foot in the grave, eats every fried food imaginable to mankind, and smokes like a chimney, spend 20,000.00 to totally re-construct their looks when you know damn good and well it isn’t going to stop you from dying any earlier? Why? To get fleeting compliments from people that you don’t even know and will probably never see again? Who the hell cares.
So now I’m thinking, how dare they try to take my age away from me! I'm supposed to have wrinkles and be a little heavier ... and if not for middle age, who in the hell would Sears sell all those over-stocked moo-moo's to? Enjoy your youth I tell them now, as I did mine and leave me to the comforts of older age that I have worked hard for! Do you really think that a baby doll nightie is gonna make me feel good about myself when all it shows is that my ass has fallen so low that it now lives in the same zip code as the back of my thighs? I am supposed to have crows feet, laugh lines and gray hairs ... that’s what keeps your damn boyfriends from hitting on me all the time! And last but not least, why in the name of sweet Jeezus would I want to spend my up and coming golden years having to lay on my back every night because I’m scared of rupturing the SAME boobs that for the past 30 years i've been try to move out of my freaking way just so I can sleep? I'm telling you, this is a conspiracy! There is nothing wrong with growing older ... *putting my feet up feeling a sense of new-found freedom" ... I'm gonna like this shit.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
What's in a name?
I saw this in the news today and it had me busting up. No disrespect to the Aussie as I have several friends there, but you have to admit, this is hilarious lol. I added my own foot notes within the story ...
LONDON AP - British tourists have left the residents of one charming (good choice of an adjective there) Austrian village effing and blinded by constantly stealing the signs for their oddly-named village. While British visitors are finding it hilarious, (picturing them giggling hysterically) the residents of F---ing are failing to see the funny side, The Sunday Telegraph newspaper reported.
Only one kind of crimimal (be thankful!) ever stalks the sleepy 32-house village near Salzburg on the German border -- cheeky British tourists armed with a sense of humour and a screwdriver. (Omg the visuals lol ...)
But the local authorities are hitting back and with the signs now set in concrete, police chief Kommandant Schmidtberger is on the lookout. (invisions Capt. Clink from Hogans Hero's standing on a chair)
"We will not stand for the F---ing signs being removed," the officer told the broadsheet. (Ok, now I'M cracking up here) "It may be very amusing for you British, but F---ing is simply F---ing to us. What is this big F---ing joke? It is puerile." (get some soap for this guys mouth!)
Local guide Andreas Behmueller said it was only the British that had a fixation with F---ing. (just the British?)
"The Germans all want to see the Mozart house in Salzburg," he explained.
"Every American seems to care only about 'The Sound of Music'. The occasional Japanese wants to see Hitler's birthplace in Braunau. "But for the British, it's all about F---ing." (GO BRITISH! lol)
Guesthouse boss Augustina Lindlbauer described the village's breathtaking lakes, forests and vistas. "Yet still there is this obsession with F---ing," she said. "Just this morning I had to tell an English lady who stopped by that there were no F---ing postcards.
LONDON AP - British tourists have left the residents of one charming (good choice of an adjective there) Austrian village effing and blinded by constantly stealing the signs for their oddly-named village. While British visitors are finding it hilarious, (picturing them giggling hysterically) the residents of F---ing are failing to see the funny side, The Sunday Telegraph newspaper reported.
Only one kind of crimimal (be thankful!) ever stalks the sleepy 32-house village near Salzburg on the German border -- cheeky British tourists armed with a sense of humour and a screwdriver. (Omg the visuals lol ...)
But the local authorities are hitting back and with the signs now set in concrete, police chief Kommandant Schmidtberger is on the lookout. (invisions Capt. Clink from Hogans Hero's standing on a chair)
"We will not stand for the F---ing signs being removed," the officer told the broadsheet. (Ok, now I'M cracking up here) "It may be very amusing for you British, but F---ing is simply F---ing to us. What is this big F---ing joke? It is puerile." (get some soap for this guys mouth!)
Local guide Andreas Behmueller said it was only the British that had a fixation with F---ing. (just the British?)
"The Germans all want to see the Mozart house in Salzburg," he explained.
"Every American seems to care only about 'The Sound of Music'. The occasional Japanese wants to see Hitler's birthplace in Braunau. "But for the British, it's all about F---ing." (GO BRITISH! lol)
Guesthouse boss Augustina Lindlbauer described the village's breathtaking lakes, forests and vistas. "Yet still there is this obsession with F---ing," she said. "Just this morning I had to tell an English lady who stopped by that there were no F---ing postcards.
Learning to drive stick 101
*Throws hands in the air* ... I'm not even gonna BEGIN to complain about how complicated this is, but as I sat here remembering the frustration I endured today whilst my roommate was trying to teach me this crude, diabolical and medieval invention SOLELY created (I’m convinced) to rip out the ONE last nerve I have in body, I found myself erecting this tune in my head:
No other cars in sight ...
Driving stick shift.
Try not to grind the gears ...
Driving stick shift.
Why does he make that face?
When I’m driving stick shift ...
But all it does is stall ...
Driving stick shift ...
As I learn ...
to drive stick shift.
And please don't say I suck ...
Driving stick shift.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Omg, i'm Bo-Bo the slave girl again
WARNING: Tom Cruise IS in the movie The Outsiders! Do not dispute this! *walks away grumbling in my Bo-Bo voice* ...
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